While searching for cool new sex toys to review, I came across this guy:
It’s Dr Joel Kaplan’s Nipple Pump System 2 (though I’m not sure what happened to System 1). It’s one of the many women’s sex toys you can find on the site.
It’s pretty darn cool, actually. I’d never used one before, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I think I kind of expected a sort of suckling sort of thing, but that’s not what this puppy does.
My finger’s in there for scale. It’s actually no fun to use this on yer fingers, so don’t bother. 
The pump looks like something you’d use to fix a car with. It’s a great mad-scientist looking contraption, and I’m really digging it.
The only downside that I can see (and it’s a really little one, so hardly a downside) is that it came with no hints. Yes, yes, I know, it’s not rocket science. Apply to skin and squeeze the handle thingy. It really is that simple. The hints I would have wanted are things like: skin dry or moist? How much pressure is safe, and for how long? And yes, you can tell pretty exactly how much pressure is being applied:
After a question or two on Twitter, I got the idea that moist skin made for a better seal. Makes sense, really. As for the safety factor, I decided simply to play it by ear and not go hog-wild with it.
I tried it by myself first, and it was a touch awkward because you have to hold the bulbs against their intended targets while you squeeze the handle; now, once you create that seal with a single good pump you can let go of the bulbs. Two or three pumps will draw your nipples deep into the clear plastic cups and cause a tight pinching sensation. It’s nothing like the nasty squeeze of nipple clamps, but it’s still harsh. There’s a release valve at the bottom of the gauge that can either release the vacuum completely or let out a touch at a time to lighten the pressure. I had fun testing it by myself and noticed it really made my nipples insanely sensitive (and they’re already pretty damn sensitive!).
The real test of a toy is sometimes when you can get someone else to use it on you; that’s where CK came in. He’s always willing to oblige me in my playtesting…so altruistic. 
He went into my bedroom, grabbed several things from my toybox, and came back into the living room. My top quickly came off and after a moment or two of making sure my nipples were nice and moist (*grin*), he had me hold the bulbs to my nipples while he controlled the handle. One quick pump and I was able to let go, and then he started playing. Two or three quick pumps while I gasped and writhed, then using the valve to release a little pressure; then another quick squeeze or two. This went on for a few minutes, then I decided to try an experiment. There’s a little silver catch on the cups where the cup meets the tubing that looked like it was meant to slide in.
I slid the little catch in, and sure enough I was able to remove the tube and the bulb stayed on, and it was bizarrely hot-looking. However, that broke the vacuum and the other bulb released. I haven’t yet been able to get both bulbs to stay on at once; I think it’s a matter of coordinating it just right. I’ll continue to work on it.
Once CK found out how sensitive my nipples got after this treatment, he had a blast. The other items he pulled out were one of my evil sticks and both sets of clover clamps (his and mine). The clamps got applied readily and the evil stick used post-haste. Those things normally hurt quite a lot, and after the sensitizing influence of the pump it felt like fire on my nipples. Amazingly hot.
The boy grinned at this point and said, “I got an idea”. When he says this, it usually means that I’m going to end up in pain (the happy kind)…so I eyed him warily as he took off my pants. He placed one bulb of the nipple pump on my right nipple and made me hold it. The other one he pressed to my clit. A couple of pumps and I was loving it…I really can’t describe the sensation properly. It was a sucking-squeezing-tugging kind of thing, and it was excellent. And yes, it makes your clit just as sensitive as it makes your nipples.
This product right here? Get it. It’s an awesome playtoy. I like the look of it (very clinical; slightly intimidating), I love the feel of it, and I love that it’s an easy toy to use. I recommend it highly.
After my playtesting of it, I found that Alpine SubDreams had reviewed this product for Sextoy.com as well. Take a look!
