Ramblings of a Newbie

The nice people at www.tabutoys.com were kind enough to let me try out the Tantus Ripple. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it: Tantus rocks. I have yet to be disappointed by one of their products.

They’re all high-quality silicone, which means (yes, loyal readers, I’m gonna say it again. There may be new people reading this that haven’t heard it the many times I’ve said it before. Go get a soda. By the time you’re back, I’ll be done) that it is able to be sanitized. Boiling, a ten percent bleach solution, or top rack of the dishwasher (no soap! [radio]) will do it. Because it can be sanitized, it can be used vaginally and anally and can be shared. Don’t use yer nice slippery silicone lube with it, because it’ll be a bad scene. Water-based, baby!

*waits for regular readers to get back with their sodas* Ready? Good.

I got home one day to this lovely purple guy waiting at my doorstep for me, extremely glad none of my neighbors picked it up by accident…

(shown with clothespin for scale. I know all you pervs have clothespins handy.)

It’s designed as an anal plug, though it can be used vaginally as well. I know this because, well, I used it vaginally first. I was a little intimidated by the size of it for anal use, to be honest. Vaginally…wow. I’m discovering that while I do like smooth toys, textures are amazingly fun. Because it tapers like it does, it slides in with ease; clenching around it as you pull it out means that you get to feel every single one of those ‘beads’ slipping out, one by one. It’s a pretty unique sensation, and I dig it.

Then…I realized I was simply gonna have to bite the bullet and use it in the manner for which it was intended. Out came the lube (do I really have to give the ‘lots of lube for anal play’ lecture? You guys should know that by now. Lots. Of. Lube.). I lubed that puppy up, stared it down, then added more lube. I decided the best way to really try this one out was to let it sit on its flared base and lower myself carefully onto it, so I did so. I also recruited the assistance of Mr Hitachi, who kindly distracted me from any possible discomfort.

First bead…not bad at all. I’d used the Peridise plugs, and the tip of the larger one is about the same size as the first bead of the Ripple.

Second bead…still doable. It’s designed to give you a small rest after each bead and not slip backwards.

Third bead…a challenge, but with enough lube anything can be accomplished! I paused after this one, wondering if I could actually take the rest.

Fourth bead…When this one slides home, you know it’s there. I had to work to insert this final bead, but it was worth it.

This toy is very interesting; between it and the Hitachi pressed lightly to my clit, the orgasm was insanely intense. Had I been less of a scaredy-cat, I would’ve grabbed one of my other Tantus toys and gone for a double penetration…but I figured the Hitachi was distraction enough. Maybe for future experiments.

Now, for further experimentation, I strapped it into my harness (also supplied by the lovely people at Tabu Toys) during my playdate with my friend. It worked, and it was a lot of fun on both ends. I could feel the resistance of each bead as I thrust it slowly into him, and he reacted quite nicely to the sensation. I have to admit: the harness, while it fit, was a bit awkward. I found the angle of the dildo a bit odd. Keep in mind that I’m a quite large woman, so your mileage will likely vary. I have a feeling on a smaller woman (average build to small) this harness would work quite well. A little awkward for me, unfortunately. Nevertheless, it was still quite fun and I was able to work around the odd angles.

One final note: I absolutely love the quote on the product page: “Feel it go POP!” It made me giggle when I read it.

So yes: It’s the Tantus Ripple, the large one. To borrow from a commercial we all remember, it’s fun for a girl and a boy. Get your own at www.tabutoys.com!

(edit: I just realized that the only person I mentioned in this post is SC, who I only brought up to explain how rare it is for me to form a real connection. SC’s not caused me any drama the past few days! Sorry if anybody misunderstood! ooops!)

Connections terrify me.

I’ve spent most of my life avoiding connections, keeping people at arm’s length, to protect myself. Without going into a great deal of detail, my family life wasn’t normal. Not the quirky-but-fun not normal, just simply not normal and not healthy. Let me go ahead and get this straight: there was no sexual abuse, I was not beaten, and I always had clothing, shelter, food, and the occasional luxuries that come with suburban living. The not healthy part comes from my parents’ relationship and their relationship with us. Again, not too many details, but suffice it to say it made me not want to establish ties with others.

For a long time I simply didn’t have friends, partially by choice and partially due to a stunted set of social skills. By the time I got to high school it was a little easier, though I was still not really with the program. Through high school and college I dated a series of people, each one turning out to be a cheater.  At this point the trust issues I’d started out with latched on, cementing firmly in place.

Connections are hard.

Connections are difficult for me, friend-wise or lover-wise. To make a connection, one has to open up at least a little, and that scares me. I have a core group of very good friends that I’ve known and been building relationships with for over ten years now; I have strong connections to many of them and lesser connections with others. To let anyone past friendship status requires more opening up on my part, which is amazingly difficult for me…I’ve found it easier in recent years to simply not try.

Connecting is fucking scary.

I met SC in an unusual way (again, not a story for this blog), randomly, and took a leap of faith and met her for coffee the next day. We connected quickly, and in a way not too frightening for me. We’ve been friends since. I started realizing that maybe I could connect with less fear if I tried. I still avoided it, though.

Real live connections: understanding, caring, taking pleasure in one another’s company, disliking being apart… When I make them, they’re strong, but they are truly hard for me. I can play the extrovert (I’ve had to learn from twenty years of working in restaurants and sales), but I’m really not. I’m an INTJ, baby…

The scariest part is when you don’t see ‘em coming…

I haven’t wanted a relationship. I haven’t wanted to date anyone. I always claim it’s because I’m in a selfish frame of mind right now, and that’s partially true; the other half of the story is that I’m terrified of making myself vulnerable. I’ve been hurt too badly and too often to be able to open up easily, so I make excuses. This usually works just fine. But when connections form where I didn’t expect them to, I get inner turmoil issues.

Connecting hurts.

When someone you’ve ended up letting in (intentionally or not) ends up hurting you (intentionally or not), it’s painful in ways that very few things can be, and there’s nothing you can do but ride it out. Worse is when it’s the painful incident that makes both of you realize how strong the connection is. Damaged ties can either be severed or be repaired; you always have to examine closely and see which is the proper and safest course of action.

Connections may mend…

Am I ready to open up? I’m never ready. Did it happen anyway? To a point, yes. Is it worth working to try to repair? The connection quietly gained and then nearly lost wasn’t one I was looking for, but it’s one I’d miss if it was gone. I think it’s worth the effort, but only time will tell. Time and a lot of talking…

Connections terrify me. Still.

…how much I hate drama?

The cause of the drama is something I’m not gonna get into in a public forum, but since I wrote a venting post I’m gonna write the ‘everything’s okay’ post to follow up.

I don’t like drama. I don’t like being upset. I’ve had a rough few days and had a couple of issues come up. I try never to let that kind of thing get out because I prefer to be on more of an even keel.

This time, things got to me. Hence the earlier post. Thanks for all of the kind words and well-wishes…you guys rock, quite a bit.

Things are getting better. The stress levels are dropping and I’m cursing quite a bit less…;)

So there we are. Thanks for sticking with me through the outbursts. I’ll try to keep ‘em to a minimum.

Going from a feeling of dread waking up, to having a shit day, to finally getting relaxed and being okay with things…

Then having a fucking bomb dropped on my goddamn head.

I want to write about it, but even typing it out makes it real somehow…I know it’s real anyway, but I just can’t bring myself to verbalize it.

I’m just done with this fucking day.

Yes, boys and girls, I finally got to utilize my new strapon harness! It was a scene I’d been negotiating with an old friend (he’ll be known as NM here in the blog) for a few weeks…we were talking so much about it because this was going to be a first scene between us and we wanted to make sure we weren’t screwing up a friendship for a scene. He’s hot and all, but friendship’s always more important. Also, he lives a few hours south of me, so it’s not often we actually see each other.

We discussed every possible thing either one of us could think of, up to and including things that simply weren’t going to come into play during our playdate. After a lot of online discussion, we sat down and discussed things over lunch, my theory being that if we couldn’t even talk about a scene face to face, we certainly couldn’t do it. Once we set up a time, it was all anticipation from there. *grin* I told NM to bring his personal toy stash and to wear old clothes that he didn’t mind getting damaged.

He showed up and we hung out for a while, getting comfortable and getting over those first-playtime jitters. I showed him my growing toy collection, went over the toys I wanted to use (both floggers and others), and explained which things I wasn’t going to use and why.

Once we got started, I buckled my cuffs on NM’s wrists and then…the phone rang. *facepalms* Normally I’d ignore it, but this was an anticipated call dealing with a good friend’s parent’s health and therefore I had him buckle the ankle cuffs on himself while I got the update (update was good). While still on the phone, I put a collar on him and clipped the wrist cuffs to the collar. Was kinda fun doing that, actually. Made him a bit nervous, which I dug.

I got off of the phone quickly and had him kneel on the sofa, clipping the ankle cuffs together. I slipped my fingers into the long thick hair at the nape of his neck, clutching tightly and pulling him back against me, growling in his ear.

I’m discovering that nervousness and a little fear in a partner can be enticing for me…hearing his breathing change and feeling his heart race really triggered that predator instinct for me. I quite literally ripped his clothes off of him, each tear of the cloth making him shiver a little bit more.

When he was finally naked, I started on him with my floggers. NM reacts very well, and I had a great deal of fun figuring out which toys he responded to most. I also discovered that he’s ticklish, which makes things even more fun. After a while of warmup flogging, I grabbed the lube and a latex exam glove.

See, I’ve had anal sex on the recieving end. I enjoy it quite a bit, actually. I’ve recently (only in the past few months) started playing with anal toys, and enjoyed them too. I had never done any anal play with me on the pitching rather than the catching side. NM told me he’d teach me where to find the prostate, and it was now time for the moment of truth. I pulled on the glove and playfully snapped it near his ear, then used a generous amount of lube on my fingers and his ass.

I slowly slid my finger into his anus, enjoying his reaction and marveling at the tightness and heat; one of those few times I almost regret not being male and having a biological cock to enjoy the sensations. He guided me to the correct depth, I curled my finger just a bit as if I were teasing a g-spot, and he moaned and said “Ohhh, that’s it.” I grinned and started rubbing side to side, back and forth, tapping, seeing which movements got the best responses, and he helped immensely by answering any question I put to him (I had lots). After a few minutes of this, I lubed up one of my Peridise plugs and slid it home.

More flogging and spanking; a little while passed and I replaced the Peridise with the Nexus Neo Thattoychick threw into my care package, and this got a better response. It has a little external curve you can conveniently use as a handle to manipulate it, and I took advantage of that feature. After even more beatings, I was ready to try my lovely new harness.

First I strapped in the Tantus Ripple. Gripping the base of the toy to keep it in place, I was able to slowly thrust it home; and wow. His reaction to my thrusts (shallow at first…this toy isn’t made for hardcore thrusting until you’re very used to it) was phenomenal, and I had far too much fun with it. I soon switched out to the Acute, which was even better; the smoother surface allowed more movement and more sensation. After a while of this, there were cramped muscles and knees giving out (it’d been over an hour and a half at this point! Time flew…), so I had him demonstrate his Fleshlight for me, and let me tell you, that’s a fun-looking toy for a guy.

After all was said and done, we sat and talked about the things we’d enjoyed and the things that didn’t work so much, and confirmed that we were both good to go for future playdates. I’d like to try to have another harness by that point…we’ll see how that goes. Very successful scene, and no regrets or weirdness on either of our parts. I was pleased. I’m finding that my toppy side is perfectly satisfied by topping; my clothes all stayed firmly in place, there was no sexual contact with my person…but I enjoyed myself immensely, had an absolute blast. I was perfectly happy having my way with NM in a dominant, rather than a sexual, way.

Then, of course, I got on Twitter and announced “I totally just fucked a guy with a strap-on.”. I was thereafter high-fived and welcomed into the ‘guy club’. *nods* A good time was had by all.

A quick set of side-notes/PSAs: For anal play, LUBE. Lots and lots of it. If you think you have enough, add a little more. The more lube you have, the less chance you have of causing actual damage to a spot that can be difficult to heal properly. Also, when inserting anything (fingers, toys, cock, whatever), take your time. Gently and carefully penetrate, push for an inch or two, then pause, let the person’s body get used to the penetration. After a moment or two, continue slowly. Depending on the size of the item and the experience of the person, more pause-times may be necessary. If a toy is used in someone’s ass, it doesn’t go to their vagina (if they have one) without cleaning. Any toys you use must have a flared base. By this I mean the toy can’t simply be straight like a slimline vibe, it has to have a base that flares out so that the toy can’t slip out of your lube-slickened fingers and slide all the way in. Once something gets ‘lost’, you’re likely looking at surgery to get it out. Be smart. Only use toys that make sense. And in your ass as with all other parts, go phthalate-free.

One of the less fun things about having sex toys is keeping them clean. The nice people at Sextoy.com gave me the opportunity to try out an antibacterial toy cleaner by the Berman Center. If you’re looking for the toy cleaners, look in the Lotions and Lubes category. I know that’s a bit odd, but there’s not really a need for a ‘care and feeding of your toys’ category.

This is something that can be used both pre- and post-playtime. The cleaner contains Triclosan, which is an antibacterial and antifungal. It’s also got some minor antiviral properties, but not enough to make it your only line of defense when sharing toys; you still have to boil those suckers if you’re gonna share the wealth!

My original thought for this was that it would be great if it would work as a cleaner for toys that could conceivably break skin: Wartenberg wheels, evil sticks and the like. It would make it a lot easier than carrying around bleach wipes, bleach solution, or betadine. But, once I got the cleaner and started researching the properties of its active ingredient, I nixed that idea. It’s essentially going to act as a replacement for the mild soap you’d use cleaning your toys normally.

It has no odor that I can detect, which is nice. It’s in a small pump spray bottle: just coat the toy with the spray, rub aaalll over to clean (nooow the review’s getting sexy…), then rinse in warm/hot water (aw, the sexy’s gone).

This product is not a bad product. It really isn’t. It does exactly what it’s supposed to do in exactly the way it’s supposed to do it. However…the need for a dedicated toy cleaner when mild antibacterial hand soap may just have the same or equivalent ingredient may simply not be a pressing one.

If you want something portable and unscented that you know is antibacterial, this may be for you. Otherwise, to be perfectly honest, it’s a little unnecessary. Save the bucks and put ‘em towards a new toy.

As always, thanks to Sextoy.com (really cool cats!) for letting me try this stuff out!

Impatient by deltaguy used under a Creative Commons License

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #14? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #16? Submit it here before Sunday February 15th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

• The Cherries are Sexy Valentine’s Day Giveaway! Deadline: Valentine’s Day, February 14th, 2009.
• NoFauxxx.com Membership Giveaway. Deadline: Feb 28th.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

• Mia by LELO by Carnivalesq

Are you looking for a good quality clit vibe that you can charge with your laptop, even while out in public? Do you like 1-year manufacturer warranties on your sex toys? Are you desperately looking for something to give your girlfriend for Valentine’s Day? Get the Mia. Do it now.

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

• Vibratex Thumbelina by Amber of Scarlet’s Letter
• Womolia by The Countess
• Liberte by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Tuyo by Thursday’s Child
• Bsoft by Bswish by Sleeping Dreamer
• I Rub My Duckie by Erin Leone
• Cry Baby by Ang
• Womolia by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
• Tuyo by Essin’ Em

Dildos

• Tiger by Monkey

Anal Toys

• Njoy Pure Plug by Beautiful Dreamer
• Blue Thunder by Marla Singer

Sex Kits

• Kama Sutra Weekender Kit by Sarah
• Kama Sutra Sweet Celebration Box by Domina Doll
• Share the Love Kit by Dangerous Lilly

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

• B-Warm Massage Candle – Amber by Beautiful Dreamer
• Shunga Massage Oil (Orange) by Epiphora

BDSM/Fetish

• Axovus Wrist Cuffs by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
• Spartacus Nipple Clamps by Sienna
• Large Black Rubber Whip by Nadia West
• Experimental Kink Kit by Jezebelle
• Black and Red Suede Flogger by Panthera Pardus

Adult Books

• Two Knotty Boys Showing You the Ropes by Thursday’s Child
• Family Jewels by Essin’ Em

Adult Movies/Porn

• Tail of a Bondage Model by J.D. Bauchery
• House of Blue Dreams by The Porn Librarian
• Live In My Secrets by Epiphora
• Fallen, from Wicked Pictures by Champagne and Benzedrine
• Live In My Secrets by J.D. Bauchery
• Girls Go Hardcore by Carnivalesq
• Lesbian Life Real Sex San Francisco by Alpine Subdreams

Storage

• FYN Big Foot Case by Curvaceous Dee

Miscellaneous

• Stardust Chemise with G-string by Sleeping Dreamer
• Fetish Fantasy Inflatable Position Master by Sommer Marsden
• Luna Beads by The Countess
• Fascinator Posh Throe by HotMoviesForHer Sex Toy Crew
• Climax Bursts Toy Cleaner by Ansley Agnello
• Luna Beads by Epiphora
• Coochy After Shave Protection by Beautiful Dreamer
• Liberator Escape by Thursday’s Child

It’s Microfantasy Monday again, and this week’s theme is FOOD. For the hows and whys of the Microfantasy Monday deal (a Sweltering Celt production), clickity heeeeere.

and now, on to the scene:

The latest display in the gallery is another video; this one is of a brightly lit area of the same party the rest of the scenes appear to be parts of. There are people standing around, talking and laughing; they move amongst sumptuously appointed banquet tables choosing delicacies to pile upon their plates.

Suspended in fanciful ropework in one corner are a young man and a young woman, each naked and holding a large pitcher of wine (obviously to refill guests’ glasses as they pass). Other slaves stand nearby, ready to refill these pitchers as they empty.

The focal point of this fantastic banquet is a single square table in the center of the large area; all of the other tables are arranged around this one to allow access to all. Two figures lie upon the table, one male and one female, both exquisitely smooth-skinned and lovely. Arranged with meticulous artistry on their bare bodies is a selection of expertly made sushi and sashimi; the quality of the ingredients is as obvious as the quality of the chef that prepared the meal. Tiny dishes of wasabi and aromatic pickled ginger are placed carefully in the figures’ upturned hands and containers of chopsticks are placed discreetly nearby. The expressions on the faces of the two slaves are identically relaxed and pleasant, awake and alert, and both slaves politely describe the dishes they display if asked.

This week I’m reviewing a gorgeous Black and Red suede flogger from Sextoy.com. Of all of the BDSM and fetish items I’ve purchased, made, and gotten for review lately, I have to say this is one of my favorites.

The picture used on the website is really really good, but it has to be. I’ve gotten used to even the good toys looking considerably less perfect when they arrive, and I have to admit after getting the paddle I reviewed last time I was a bit wary. With this one, I was impressed. The colors are gorgeous, the construction absolutely solid. This was obviously made to be used, and made by people who took some pride in their work.

It’s longer than most of the other floggers I have, but is made of a lightweight suede so it’s not an overwhelming toy. It’s easy to swing, and can slap or pack a mild thud depending on how it’s used. It’s very comfortable in the hand and the tails fall as they should, in a predictable arc. As it is a long flogger, please please be wary of wraparound. A trick a friend taught me is to place a folded towel around your bottom’s neck to protect the neck and face against mis-strikes. As I’m relatively new to all of this, it’s a trick I use often. It may look a bit odd, but it gives a little peace of mind.

Now, most of these reviews I tend to give cleaning tips. Suede is kind of its own animal, and I’m not really sure of ways to clean this on the fly so it won’t destroy the material…I’m open to suggestions. I know there are suede cleaners, but not sure how they’ll do on a material that will contact skin. Until we know how to clean ‘em, avoid having the suede touch blood or other potentially hazardous bodily fluids unless it’s going to be a one-person toy. Yes, maybe it’s a touch paranoid, but a little paranoia never hurt anyone.

So anyway, my final verdict: Awesome. Many kinds of awesome. I definitely recommend, and the price is actually seriously good for this flogger. If you’re in the market for a nice lightweight suede warmup toy, this is it.

Check out Sextoy.com for other kinds of nice kinky sex toys, too!

A couple of hasty shots taken based on an idea I Twittered about last night. They’re a little fuzzy, but they’ll do.

The tattoo I’ve had since I was 21. Time to get it retouched.

Gentle readers, meet my athame. I’ll probably do more with it on another HNT day.

Happy late HNT…:)