Ramblings of a Newbie

This started out as a discussion on Fetlife. I didn’t start the thread, but it struck a chord because I’d been thinking about the subject just a few days before.

Self-harm and BDSM:

When I see someone (in or out of the BDSM community) cutting or inflicting some other kind of pain on themselves, I worry about them and think there’s something wrong.

When I see someone with a cutting that someone else has done for them, or whipmarks, or scratches or bitemarks, I think it’s lovely and imagine how much fun I would have had in their place…

When I realized the apparent hypocrisy of this, it really hit me like a ton of bricks. If someone isn’t in a negative headspace when they’re cutting, how is that different from them allowing someone else to cut them?

For me, pain play is equally as much about the trust and connection as it is about the pain itself…but the pain is still the focus. How can I worry about someone that’s just doing something I wouldn’t?

I still feel viscerally that there’s a difference, but gut feelings can be wrong; is this a knee-jerk reaction on my part, or is there actually a difference between self-inflicted pain and masochism expressed with another person?

See, I used to be a cutter as a teenager. It even went a little into my early twenties, but only rarely. My cutting was mild and occasional, and very stress-related. Seeing and tasting the blood would calm me down immensely and I wouldn’t need to cut anymore. Then there came a time that I didn’t need to anymore at all. I don’t have the urge anymore. I didn’t enjoy it, I didn’t want it. I needed it.

I do however mightily enjoy and get the urge to be spanked, bitten, flogged and otherwise manhandled. I’m very curious about getting a cutting from someone, wax play, needle play, and other fun things. It’s a need as well, but different. I wouldn’t enjoy cutting myself, dripping hot wax on my own thighs, putting needles under my own skin…

So what are your thoughts? I’d love to see some discussion on this. How is that row of cuts on someone’s thigh different from me wanting a new tattoo just for the pleasure of the experience?

(please note I’m opening up this topic for debate here; I’m not advocating self-harm, nor am I condemning those that are in a non-negative headspace and choose to cause themselves pain. Let any discussion remain civil, but please do comment.)

Again, I don’t have anything in this week’s. Next Monday, though…

Photograph by Torsten Brandt

Adult product reviews from the last seven days from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #4? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #6? Submit it here before Sunday November 30th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Win a free Level 2 Membership to CrashPadSeries.com! Deadline is Friday November 28th at midnight PST; winner announced the following day (Saturday November 29th)
Enter my Contest! Win Porn from Kink.Com! Deadline December 6th.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick
HNT and Mr. Man by Essin’ Em
“She let me suck her cock, I let her suck mine (Femmes can have cocks too, damn it!). [...] Holy crap – it felt so good…very intense, very amazing. It was like more traditional oral sex on a female bodied person (cunnilingus like), but while watching her mouth slide up and down on my cock. Hot. Mind fuck. God damn hot mind fuck.”
Note: I admit to being a bit biased on this one, because I really really really want a Mr. Man!

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators
Fukuoku 9000 and Naughti Nano by Nadia West
Fukuoku 9000 by Ansley Agnello
Hitachi Fun by sexie sadie
Tools of the Trade: SaSi by Jamye Waxman
Lost on a Desert Island with Gigi by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
Waterproof Lustre- Diamond by Beautiful Dreamer
The Hitachi Magic Wand by Elizabeth
The Jester from Vixen Creations by That Toy Chick
The Hitachi Magic Wand by Ang
Silver Bullet by Writing Dirty
The We-Vibe by Ellie Lumpesse
Evolved Fusion Gemini by Coy Pink
Pleasure Tops by Ellie Lumpesse
LELO Gigi by Dangerous Lilly
Slimline G Twin by Domina Doll

Dildos
Curve by Essin’ Em

BDSM/Fetish
Under the Bed Restraints by Ansley Agnello
Slinging It by Bad Bad Girl
TLC Japanese Silk Love Rope by Dangerous Lilly
Under the Bed Restraints by Adriana

Lube/Massage Oil
Sliquid Sassy Lube by Nadia West
The Lube Project – Part 1 by Thursday’s Child
Aneros Lube Applicator by Sexorcism
Boy Butter by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Climax Bursts Anal Lube by Writing Dirty

Erotic Books
Nerve: The First Ten Years by J.D. Bauchery

Porn
Pay Per View VOD at GoodVibes by Domina Doll
Good Dyke Porn by Essin’ Em
Lesbian Life – Real Sex San Francisco by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
Good Dyke Porn by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
In Search of the Wild Kingdom by Domina Doll
a box of kleenix, a video, and thou by Sabina TGurl

Sex Toy Storage
FYN XL Toy Box by Ansley Agnello
FYN Foot Long Case by Lolita Wolf
FYN Sex Toy Case by J.D. Bauchery

Miscellaneous
Strawberries and Champagne by Ansley Agnello
Luna Beads by Beautiful Dreamer
Exotic Fruit by Ansley Agnello
Jaguar Harness by Beautiful Dreamer
Liberator Fascinator Throe by Sexorcism
SexToy.Com by Writing Dirty
Getting a closer look at Jaguar by Kyle of Butchtastic

Welcome to this week’s Microfantasy Monday! Check out the prompt post on the Sweltering Celt.

This week’s prompt: …it’s all about standing up.

The photograph doesn’t take in the entire room; instead it focuses on one couple. Two women, both beautiful. The taller of the two is dressed all in black: flowing black skirt, black corset, black gauntlets and long black hair. The other is golden-haired and slender. She is clothed only in an intricately tied harness of sturdy black hemp rope.

The black-clad beauty is standing strong, grinning wickedly at her bound captive. The blonde is standing as well, but at the mercy of the other woman; she is being held upright only by a single hand wrapped around the center of the harness. Their eyes meet, the nervousness and trust are apparent in the heat of the gaze.

Okay, so we tried ‘em out the other day (no, no pictures this time; got too distracted. Next time. ).

I have very sensitive nipples that will respond well to the lightest of touches, caresses, and kisses. They can also take (and respond well to) quite a lot of pain. Honestly, I’m not really sure how that can be, but I’m not complaining.

I have a pair of tweezer-style clamps that have yet to be put on me by someone other than myself testing ‘em. They’re interesting, but I have a feeling that if someone else put them on me, they’d end up being far meaner about it than I was to myself. So while interesting, nothing too insane. They also slipped off relatively easily when tugged on.

When I got the clovers, I tried one on my finger. It was supertight, and not only stayed put when tugged on but got even tighter. I got nervous.

The other night CK and I were watching a movie (Street Kings. Quite good, if you’re into gritty cop dramas) and when the movie was over we just cuddled for a bit. After a little while, he said “I got an idea!” and got up to dig through my toybag. He came back with the clamps and a grin, and I got even more nervous.

There was a little warmup play, with the boy teasing and tugging and pinching my nipples. After a few moments (next time, I think more of a warmup should be in order, but we were both pretty eager to try the new toys), he clamped one of the clovers onto my left nipple.

Holy shit. As hard as my nipples have been bitten and pinched, there was something more intense about this thing, and I think I whimpered. He paused to watch my reaction and make sure I was okay (partially just because I think he enjoyed the reaction), then moved to my other nipple, teasing, tugging, and finally clamping it.

The boy started teasing me then, lightly stroking the still-exposed tips of my nipples and tugging periodically on the chain connecting the two heavy clamps. I was being very vocal, crying out and whimpering, and I simply couldn’t help it. It was insanely intense. He tugged on them once to get my attention, then said “Count backwards from ten.”

At this point, my brain wasn’t focusing enough to do any such thing…but he kept prompting and tugging until I had no choice but to start the count, calling him an asshole in the process. He got a huge kick out of that, I think. *grin* I counted backwards, needing occasional prompting (read: tugging) as to the order of the numbers, and when I reached one he quickly took off the left clamp.

Holy shit AGAIN. I’d heard they hurt more coming off…but didn’t realize the extent until just then. I cried out loudly in pain and surprise, and he quickly put pressure on the poor abused nipple to let the pain subside slightly. The right went just the same, and damn. It hurt like hell, and it drove me completely insane. The clamps had been on for maybe two minutes.

We went through the same process again, and I realized that I both love and hate those damn clover clamps. *grin* I can’t wait for more experimentation…

By the way, did you realize that clover clamps are named that because they’re made by a company called “Clover”? And that their actual use is as a sewing accessory? They’re called ‘bird clamps’. I got the link from Cheap BDSM Toys. I found that link on one of the DIY groups on Fetlife. And if you haven’t checked Fetlife out yet, do so. I’m Pantherapardus there.

I don’t have anything in this one, but I’m posting anyway. Great stuff, ladies and gents.

Pleasurists #4

November 17th, 2008

Photograph by Andy Julia

Adult product reviews from the last seven days from all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #3? Read it all here. Do you Have a review for Pleasurists #4? Submit it here before Sunday November 23rd at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blogs if listed.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.
Betty’s Blog-A-Versary Swag Contest deadline November 19th.
Swag Contest: Crave Ankle and Wrist Restraints deadline November 21st 11:59pm MST.
Why I Heart Yes Contest! deadline November 24th at 12 midnight AST.
Bondage Photo Contest deadline November 25th.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick
Tantus Ripple (small) by Epiphora
“The sensation was what I predicted—it certainly felt like bulbs popping in and out—but it was super pleasurable, much more so than the sensation of leaving a butt plug in my ass. This, I thought, is what they mean when they say anal play feels amazing.”

Madame Editrix
Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators
Cadillac of Vibrators by Ansley Agnello
Sweet G by Ansley Agnello
Rabbit Pearl Vibrator Review by Shasta
A Wand in Hand is Worth… by Natt Nightly
Mia: by Lelo by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Buzz Bunny by Adriana
Oh! Magnificent Vibrating Glove by Domina Doll
If You Desire a Petite Rabbit by Beautiful Dreamer
Briana Wicked Curves by Beautiful Dreamer
Babeland Slimline Vibrator by Radical Vixen
Fun Factory Paul and Paulina by Ellie Lumpesse
Vibropod by Ellie Lumpesse
Hitachi Magic Wand by Epiphora

Dildos
Wild Angel Harness and Dildo by J.D. Bauchery
The Champ by David
Cyberglass Felicity by Ellie Lumpesse

Toys for Boys
Great toy to use on a cock by Lolita Wolf
A Real Man’s Cock Ring by Beautiful Dreamer
A Sex Toy Named Bob by Em & Lo

Lube/Massage Oil
Kama Sutra Massage Therapy Kit by Essin’ Em
Wet Body Glide Original Gel Lubricant by Shasta
Warming Lubes for A Cold Winter’s Night? by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival
Universal Lube by Catalina Loves

BDSM/Fetish
Leather Leash by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek
Under the Bed Restraints by Betty Rocket

Erotic Books
Raunchy Review: Hydrophidian by Curvaceous Dee

Adult DVDs
Real Butch Lesbian Dykes by J.D. Bauchery
Porn 4 Pussies: Crash Pad Series, Volume 1 by Domina Doll
Femme Film Fridays-Superfreak by Domina Doll
Playgirl: Indulging in Lust by Beautiful Dreamer

Miscellaneous
For Your Nymphomation XL Adult Toybox by Ang
Silver Handcuff Nipple Rings by Betty Rocket

Yes, that’s right, it’s a pre-review of the Under the Bed Restraint System courtesy of Babeland.com. I haven’t gotten a chance to actually play with ‘em yet, but I ‘installed’ the system tonight.

Now the reason I have the word installed in quotes: it’s crazy-easy. The system consists of five long straps, all completely adjustable for the size of your bed and the particular tension you want. It’s set up kind of like an upper-case I, which you’ll see in the picture.

I took the mattress off of the box spring. Then I did this:

All I did was lay the setup on the box spring in the shape of an “I”.
(no, I don’t have a bedframe. Shush.)

Then I put the mattress back.

That was it. It took about five minutes. I could conceivably have done it without removing the mattress. Awesome. The nice thing is, you don’t have to install any hardware and you don’t have to uninstall when you’re done…just tuck the straps under the mattress until next time.

I’m really dying to play with this thing. When I have, you’ll get the full-on review.

I actually have two paragraphs for this one, one being the real entry and the other being the thing that came to mind as soon as I saw the prompt on the Sweltering Celt’s blog.

The real MM:

The young man tied to the wooden cross has his eyes tightly closed; it’s impossible to know whether that’s from the bright lights trained on him or from some sense of fear.

And the thing that came to mind when I saw the prompt:

The ass on display is muscular and strong. You long to touch it, to feel the smooth curves beneath your hands, but you dare not.

Probably best that you didn’t touch it.

Sorry bout that. Had to be done.

Okay, this post is for any lady or gentleman readers that have female companions they wish to impress with their skills. I was reading through the archives at Smutandsteff.com and happened across some older posts of hers. It’s simply a listing of four links that you should go to and read thoroughly. Go. Read. I’ll wait.

Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four

Read. Learn. This is good stuff.

I think I personally would only add one thing. Variety is good in every aspect of cunnilingus except the endgame; when you’re going for the orgasm and the woman is nearly there, don’t stop what you’re doing. Don’t change the pace, the pressure, the anything, unless she requests it. I call it the ‘if you stop I’ll beat you senseless’ rule.

Sinclair at Sugarbutch Chronicles has reposted a clip of Ken Olbermann talking about Proposition 8 in California. Please go there and watch it now. It’ll be very worth your time.

In the past few weeks, I’ve been neglecting this blog more than I should. I’ve been changing hosts, changing themes and tweaking, and haven’t actually done a lot of real writing. I’m going to try to fix that.

Basic blog news:

You’ll notice links to various shops on the right-hand side of my page. Click on ‘em and patronize ‘em! They’re all good guys. Besides, it looks good for me when you clickie.

Please forgive the postlessness. Bear with me and things will be back on track soon.