Ramblings of a Newbie

And as I’ve said before, I’m a sucker for introspection.

Stolen from The Sweltering Celt: TMI Tuesday! I don’t know if this is something I’ll do every week, but I liked this one. Therefore, here we go:

1. What do you feel is the difference between sexy and erotic?

Erotic is more sensual, Sexy is more primal. The two can cross over quite often, but not always. Sexy is more out-there, obvious, while Erotic hints and teases.

2. Do you believe there is one right person (i.e. soul mate) for you out there in the world, or that there can be many different potential mates that you could live blissfully with?

I’m not one for the ’soulmate’ idea personally. I think delicately handled poly relationships are very doable, and can make for very happy people. To limit oneself to one partner because of the ‘one right person’ concept can potentially shut someone out of your life that could truly enrich your existance.

3. Do you need to hear “I love you” or similar words on a regular basis from your partner?

I don’t necessarily need to hear ‘I love you’; but I do occasionally need assurances that I’m wanted. A compliment out of the blue, a sensual kiss that takes me by surprise, any number of little things to make me feel that my partner actually gets something out of having me around.

4. What feeling do you have the most difficulty expressing?

Tough call. I’m going to settle on Desire (not sure if it counts as a ‘feeling’ exactly, but there it is). Desire: It’s difficult (read: impossible) for me to admit to someone that I’m interested in them as more than a friend unless they’ve already expressed interest in me. Rejection is extremely hard for me to take. It’s something I’m working on, and will continue to. (Okay, this question was actually tough for me to answer and not edit out. I’m going to leave it, at least for now. I may puss out later. )

5. What is worse – physical, mental or cyber cheating?

Another difficult question, as the definition of cheating really depends on the people in question. Once the boundaries are set, then my choice for most betraying is physical cheating. To me, cheating is dishonesty. If I’m in a committed relationship, and my partner wants to sleep with someone else, they can tell me. We’ll discuss it. If we agree it’s not a bad idea, then cool! Be careful, be safe, and give me details when you get home. If you simply go behind my back, or lie to me about it? Yeah, I’m pissed.

If it’s cybering, all it is is interactive porn in my opinion. As long as it’s not affecting the relationship, it’s nothing to worry about. mental/emotional cheating is still in the thought-fantasy stages. It’s a little closer to the worry point, but can spawn communication about any problems that may be in the relationship. Once it’s physical, it’s real, and is much more difficult to return from. In my opinion, honesty and communication are always the keys to any relationship.

Bonus (as in optional): The Kinsey scale attempts to describe a person’s sexual history or episodes of their sexual activity at a given time. It uses a scale from 0, meaning exclusively heterosexual, to 6, meaning exclusively homosexual. Where are you – TODAY – on the scale?

This actually does vary day by day (the tendency, not in terms of actual episodes). Today? I’m probably a 2. I’m still finding females attractive, but I’m really craving sex with a male right now. Ask me tomorrow, you may get another number.

This was actually kind of tough. Good on ya, Sweltering Celt.

This post, from the Writing Dirty blog, genuinely made me smile, and sigh wistfully. His work is always good, but this particular post just struck a chord. Well done.

First, the soft.

I like textures. I love petting things (and people). I like most textures, but soft things are a particular pleasure. I go into a fabric store and it’s like a petting zoo for me. And every once in a while I come across something I can’t resist…

I petted a bolt of fake fur at the fabric store last time I was there and couldn’t move away from it; I just kept petting it. I finally ended up buying a yard of it. Part of has gone to making a soft mitt to go in my toybag; another part is going to be a mitt for SC. The rest…well, the rest I just pet. That or curl up under it so I can feel it on my skin. I really like textures.
*grin* Sprawled out on the sofa, wrapped in soft fur; I feel all ‘Slave Chicks of Gor’ here.

And now for the bonus.

The sweet: People seemed to get a kick out of the M&Ms in the cleavage shot, so I thought I’d go for another body part and another candy.

So life savers on the hip it became!

…what, you didn’t think the sweet referred to me, did you? *snicker*

HHNT, y’all.

The always-thinking Erotic Bohemian has started putting up her standard checklist up on her blog in series, with a call to other bloggers to talk about their own experiences with the activities within. Being that I love a good introspection, of course I took the bait.

Here goes:

• An activity (or activities) that was a fun experience for you. What did you enjoy or what was an especially pleasurable activity? If you’ve never attempted any on the list, which do you think you’d enjoy if you had to choose one and why?
• What, if any, of the activities below pushes a limit for you? Have you attempted it?
• What, if any, of the below items was a good learning experience for you?

I’m kind of altering the original idea and going through each activity. Some I like, some aren’t so comfy, and some I’ve never tried. And for those of you that haven’t been reading my blog and don’t know me, I’m quite the switch, which is why I’m answering on both the top and bottom angles.

The Checklist: Part I

Abrasion
I like sensations of many many kinds. If I’m understanding this right, it’s abrasive sensation, sandpaper, etc? If that’s the case, I’m up for trying it.

Age Play
It’s not my thing. I know people that are into it, but it’s not something I would be into myself.

Anal Fisting
Receiving end? Oh no. Uh-uh. Giving end? If the other person was really into it (and I knew a little more about doing it safely), I’d consider it. It wouldn’t be a suggestion I’d bring up personally (Hey, I know what we can do that’s fun!!!).

Anal Sex
Yup. When done properly, it’s quite fun. Always remember: LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND.

Animal Roles
This one’s kind of an odd one for me. I know it’s referring to pony/puppy/kitty play, but I have a rather strong animal side to me, and it can show up during sexual play. It’s not really a kink, just a personality thing.

Ass Worship / Analingus
Not something I’ve been on either end of. With proper safety precautions, it wouldn’t be out of the picture either way.

Bathroom Use Control
Not something I’d find fun on either end.

Beating (Soft)
Beating (Hard)
As in rough body play? On the giving end: I’m learning a little bit about this, coincidentally. CK likes it, and I want to be able to do it safely. As the recipient: Not sure I’d dig it, but it’s not something I’ve tried (other than playful wrestling with friends). Jury’s out on that one.

Behavior Modification
I’m not interested so far in long-term D/s relationships, and this would definitely have to be along that line. It’s interesting to hear about, however.

Begging
Depends on the individual, the setting, and the situation.

Being Bitten
Oh yeah. I think we all know I like this one. Biting or being bitten, actually.

Belts
Haven’t tried, either end. I’d be willing to.

Blindfolds
I like the idea of someone else in one; I find it aesthetically pleasant and fun from a top’s point of view. As for myself, I’m not sure if I’d like it or not. I’d like to try wearing one at some point. The bit gag was an interesting headspace for me, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a blindfold did something similar.

Body Writing
From a fun body art kind of perspective, could be interesting.

Body Worship With Tongue
I like to lick. I like to be licked. That one’s pretty simple.

Bondage (Light)
Bondage (Heavy)
I’ve played with light bondage so far and have enjoyed it immensely, both being the one bound and the one doing the binding. Haven’t tried heavy bondage yet, but am very willing.

Bondage (Public, Under Clothing)
The public stuff isn’t my thing. I don’t think I’d get a kick out of this one…

Boot Worship
Clothing is nice, but it’s not a fetish to me. It’s not anywhere near a limit or anything, but not something I’d seek out.

Branding (Permanent)
I rarely say never, but this one’s close. There’d have to be a really good reason.

Breath Control / Asphyxiation
This is currently a limit for me. I can deal with having light pressure on my throat, but that’s where the line is. And I also won’t control someone else’s breathing; it’s too dangerous and I’m too new at all this.

Cages
I think it’d be fun to have someone on ‘display’, as it were. As for myself, I’m not one to like being on display myself. I do have to admit, though, a part of me does find the idea intriguing. I’m not sure if I’d enjoy it, but it would be an interesting experience.

Caning
Haven’t tried it, but I really want to. Pretty welts.

Castration Fantasy
As a mindfuck during a scene, it might be interesting…

Catheterization
Nope. I’ve been in too many hospitals and dealt with too much illness in others for this to be appealing to me.

Cattle Prod
That’d be fun to play with. *grin*

Cigarette / Cigar Smoke
Nope. Don’t find it sexy in the least.

Chains
I enjoy the aesthetics of chains; they’re visually, aurally, and tactilely appealing.

Choking
Discussed up there in breath play. *points up*

Clothespins (What body parts? )
Very curious about playing with clothespins. I picked some up during one of my ‘pervertibles’ trips to the dollar store, but haven’t had the opportunity to use ‘em yet. And what body parts? I really don’t know, to be honest. I’m open to experimentation.

Clothing Specified
not sure what this one means?

Collars
Love the way they look on others, love the way they feel on me.

Competitions (With Other Subs)
This would be something I’d enjoy watching.

Confinement (Long Or Short Term)
Confinement by itself? Not so much.

Crawling On Hands & Knees
This would have to be in context. I’m not into humiliation myself, and this resonates like that for me. If I was topping and my playmate was into it, that’s another thing altogether.

Crossdressing
Pleasant to watch; not really a personal kink of mine, but I can appreciate the appeal of it for others.

Cuckoldry
I’m thinking this one’s an N/A for me.

Cum Eating (yours)
Cum Eating (others)
Other than the spelling of ‘cum’ squicking me (don’t know why. ‘come’ is fine, but ‘cum’ grates. ), I don’t have a problem with it in the context of giving oral sex, at least. Now, basic safety makes this one a no-no with casual partners.

Cuffs
Love ‘em, both on myself and others.

Cum tasting, consumption (yours/others)
Didn’t we just do this one? *points up*

Cunnilingus
I’m a fan.

Cutting
I’m very curious about cuttings; I’m not sure how I’d enjoy being on the recieving end, but I think I’d dig it. As for being the one doing the cutting, I think I’d be too tempted to taste, which ain’t healthy.

Now, keep in mind: if I said I wasn’t into your particular kink, please don’t take it as an insult! My opinions are just that, and your mileage may vary.

If anybody has any questions about my answers or wants me to clarify, speak up! I’m listening.

So (every time I start a post with the word So, I think of The Snarling Misanthrope. Thanks) I started playing with Feedburner yesterday. It’s supposed to help people subscribe to my blog feed if they were having issues (apparently some were), optimize my readers’ ‘feed experience’ (whatever that is), and get my name out there a little bit.

I have to admit to a little net-vanity here; I enjoy knowing that people are reading my blog. I like that people are perhaps learning something, or getting a laugh, or (to be embarrassingly honest) checking out my HNT pics. I don’t have a commercial interest in this blog in any way. Someday if I get a big readerbase (or if I get a bitchin’ discount. ) I may add some affiliate links or somesuch, but otherwise there’s no actual reason for me to really want to build my readership. I still do, so I’m going for it.

As for the Ego Boosts mentioned in the title:

Since I started using StatCounter in mid-August, I’ve gotten almost 700 page loads. 488 unique visitors (now, keep in mind, I think this is controlled by cookies and if people remove their cookie for the site that can skew it).

I get people visiting from home, from their phones, and from their work. You know who you are.

People from all over the world have seen this blog at one point or another. The top ten countries:

• The US had the most.
• Then New Zealand! I have a big Kiwi following. *waves at Dee, VanImp, and the rest of the Kiwis!*
• The UK’s right after that.
• Canada and…
• …France are tied.
• Then Australia. I really think I need to move to the Southern Hemisphere.
• Italy is next.
• Ireland ties with Italy.
• Then Poland and
• The Ukraine.

There’s more, but only two or three of each.

None of the hits came from search engines. A good amount came from links posted on other blogger’s sites (thanks, all y’all!).

Now, all of those stats are from my original StatCounter. What does feedburner do for me?

it tells me that I have actual subscribers. Subscribers may not show up on my hits (I’m still not completely sure how that works), but I realize that there’s people that actually read my stuff! Woo! I just have to make sure to keep my stuff interesting now.

Thanks, all. You’ve read my ramblings, offered advice, and given feedback and encouragement.

Keep reading!

Generally Useless But Fascinating Information About PantheraPardus

I got tagged. I haven’t done one of these in quite a while, so I figured I’d cave to the tag. I haven’t done anything kinky lately, so you guys are stuck with a meme tonight. *grin*

What are the last three songs you downloaded?
I don’t generally download songs; I have recently downloaded some ringtones: the theme from Dexter, the theme from Torchwood, and Mrs Robinson (the Lemonheads version).

What are the last three places you visited?
Hrm. I don’t go places often. Charlotte NC, Charleston SC, and Raleigh NC.

What are your three favorite movies?
They tend to change. Right now, Office Space, Snatch, and The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension.

What are your three favorite possessions. Huh. Dang. I’m not really sure how to answer this one, so I’ll go mildly facetious. But three that I’d miss if they were gone: My computer, my athame, and my Hitachi. *grin* So I guess I’m a technopaganperv.

What three things can you not live without?
Books, physical contact, and meat. *nod*

What would be your three wishes?
Stabilization of the government and economy (yes, I’m counting that as one), a small harem, a life of leisure.

What three things haven’t you done yet?
(to try to keep this post legitimate to the blog, I’m gonna make ‘em kinky things I haven’t done yet) Wax play, tried a violet wand (either end), bottomed in public.

What are your three favorite dishes?
Sushi/Sashimi (not really a dish, but it counts), shrimp and grits, and a good basic steak dinner.

Which three celebrities would you most like to hang out with?
Henry Rollins, Mike Rowe, and Jamie Hyneman.

Name three things that freak you out?
high-pitched sounds, some bridges, and mixing diet pepsi and milk (glares at CK. Ew.).

Name three unusual things you are good at.
making beer, talking down irate customers (not talking down _to_, but calming down), and (so I’ve been told) making kinky toys.

Which three things are you coveting?
a shiny new computer (though I do like mine own), an evil stick, and a sexy corset.

Name three bloggers you are tagging.
I’m going to let people tag themselves for this.

This is entirely the fault of the Erotic Bohemian. All blame should be directed her way.

M&Ms: they melt in your mouth, not in your…cleavage?

I’m actually surprised I’m brave enough to post shots like this…I think my shy may be starting to fade here and there.

…but sometimes dull is pleasant.

I’ve spent the day cross-stitching (thanks for the link to the book, you Erotic Bohemian, you), cleaning random parts of my apartment at random times, singing the fuzzy bits off of my practice rope (cheap manila. my hemp will be in soon) and trying to figure out how to singe off the fuzzies without actually singing the rope, and drinking my newly-delivered shipment of Adagio tea (thanks to Essin’ Em for the new tea obsession. I like Republic of Tea, but I think Adagio may win).

And now for the evening. Probably more cross-stitch, research how to condition rope more efficiently, and maybe a hot bath. I decided to break open a bottle of my home-brewed red ale; it’s been in the bottle for a few months now and may be at its peak. In fact…

…in fact, it’s about perfect. *purr* A thousand times better than when I first bottled it. When getting that bottle out, I realized I still had a bottle of my stout left. I thought I was out. That was a happy discovery.

So, consider this post a toast to dull days and dull evenings. Sometimes they’re just what’s needed.

Haven’t really done much to write about in the past few days, so I thought I’d write up things I’ve got planned instead. I can tell you that I’m kind of twitching to play; I think I’m addicted.
Anyway, here goes:

• The manila/sisal experiment was put on hold. I found out after research that the sisal is not suitable at all for my purposes and can leave tiny splinters in the skin. I may be a masochist, but I ain’t that much of one. The manila I put on hold because it seems to be overly fuzzy and I’m still trying to find an efficient way to singe off the excess (just using a candle seems like it’ll take forever). I’ll be getting some hemp soon, and I’ll try the conditioning thing again.
• I’m going to try to redo my soft leather flogger prototype with more solid sections of the goodwill jacket.
• I think I may have to indulge in purchasing something from Lelo. They’re pricy toys, but I haven’t heard a bad review yet.
• Research wax play. I’m getting quite curious about it.
• Figure out how the hell to do the braid-weaves people use for flogger handles. I have no clue.

Any suggestions?

I had kind of a down day today. There’s no real reason for it; it’s most likely related to exhaustion and work-stress, and it will pass soon enough.

However, I almost skipped the HNT today because I wasn’t feeling terribly sexy. I’m still not, but I’m not gonna let a dip in the old self-esteem kick me today.

So, without further ado, welcome to Blue Days Can Kiss My Ass HNT:

Red and black flogger, lace underwear, one well-curved hip. The knickers (stealing a word from Curvaceous Dee. ) are somewhat new. I normally don’t buy sexy clothing of any sort because I simply don’t think I look good in it, but I made an exception for these (I have a black pair, too) because they were just too pretty. I rarely wear them because I don’t think I do them justice.

My skin is far too pale and I always hesitate to show too much of it, but it contrasts interestingly with the red and black (two of my favorite colors) of the flogger. The rolls of flesh at my side are something I try desperately to hide with any clothing I wear; however, they’re part of what makes me warm, soft, and (I’d think, at least) nice to cuddle.

Here’s the crazy part: Looking at others, I really enjoy large women and find them very attractive. The rolls and curves that I think are sensual and attractive on other women, I’m shy about showing myself. It doesn’t make any damn sense. I’m determined to get over this, and you guys are just gonna have to deal with being subjected to it.