Ramblings of a Newbie

Before I started researching BDSM and talking to more people in the lifestyle, I used to refer to some of my moods as ‘dominant’ and ’submissive’. After the research, I actually amended that. I really tend to be more ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ than ‘dom’ or ’sub’. I can be dominant or submissive for a period of time, but I’m not either on a permanent basis.

Last night CK and I had a playdate. Any play we’ve done before has been almost impromptu, short, and not extremely intense. This was a full-blown planned and anticipated scene as opposed to the casual nature of our other playtimes. The anticipation, I found, really put me in an interesting frame of mind. It seemed to do the same for him, if I were to judge by the intensity of the scene.

He called me before he came over to talk about dinner plans, and then he says, “I think I’m going to put a gag on you tonight.”. I think I actually paused before answering “Oo-kay.”. The idea seemed kind of out of the blue, and I’ve never worn a gag (or even really thought about it) before. He followed up with, “What do you think about that? Is that all right?”. I replied with, “I’ll try anything once.” and then we talked about other things.

When he came over, we ate dinner and talked, and then playtime started. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned a dozen times before, CK bites. He was in more of a biting mood than usual and he was much more physical about it than usual, grabbing me and restraining me with hands and body while he sank his teeth into my back, my shoulders, and my neck. I was already breathless by the time he moved me where he wanted me. He pulled a bit gag out of his bag and asked me again if I was okay with it. I nodded, but I was oddly hesitant. I really don’t know why I was hesitant about it…it was strange. I agreed to try it, though. He turned me around and fitted the gag in my mouth, buckling it under my hair. While I was facing away from him, he ran a hand over my back and then bit me again, hard. I could still make as much noise as I wanted, but couldn’t articulate.

CK stripped me down to my underwear, had me lean against the counter, and raked his nails over my back several times (that always makes me shiver). He then turned me around and asked if I was still okay. I nodded slowly. At this point he just stared at me for a moment, stroking my hair, and I stared back. I was almost trembling, and we hadn’t even really started yet. He jokingly bemoaned the fact that his camera batteries were dead, because (and I quote) “You look really hot in that.”. He turned me back around and started grabbing floggers out of my bag.

Right then, I really felt more vulnerable than I have in a long time. My hands and feet were free, I wasn’t restrained in any way other than by CK telling me where to put my feet and hands. Standing there nearly naked, gagged, skin already tingling from the marks of nails and teeth, I felt exposed, vulnerable, and I enjoyed every second of it.

The flogging itself I won’t go into a play-by-play on for the simple reason that it would get dull fast. I will say that the rope flogger I made with the three knots on each strand? When used with force, it leaves a gathering of welts that turns into a gathering of tiny bruises. It’s harsh. That one, the bootlace flogger, and the large red and black ones are the ones that made me squeal and writhe the most. CK likes the heaviness of the red and black one, while I like the sharp sting of the bootlace. After a while, he removed the gag; he didn’t want it to get too uncomfortable my first time wearing it.

Finally he stopped a little abruptly, changed the tone of the music (he’d set up a soundtrack; heavier music for the scene itself and quieter music for cooling down), and lightly started stroking my back. When it got through my somewhat fuddled mind that we were done, I protested lightly “We’re done? Aw…” and “I could go longer…”, but didn’t push it when he drew me over to the couch to sit.

See, a while back, I told CK I wanted to take baby steps, and asked him to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t go too far too fast and do anything stupid. I apparently jumped in a way that made him really look closely at me, and he decided I’d had enough. He was right, I’m sure, but at that moment he could have suggested damn near anything and I would have agreed. “Wanna try flesh hook suspension with dinner forks?” “Oh sure! sounds like fun!!”. *snicker* So yeah, it’s good to have someone that’s actually keeping a watch. I’d lost track of time, it seems. I thought it had been maybe fifteen minutes, and it had been nearly an hour.

Now, coming back to the title of the post. When CK has topped me in the past (either the two mini-scenes or the many times we’d just played around with teeth and nails and flesh), I never really felt truly submissive. Bottom-y, yes, but not really submissive. If someone bites me on the back of the neck or tugs my hair just right, it puts me in a somewhat submissive mood, but that only goes so far. When he put that bit in my mouth and buckled it tight, it put me straight into a very submissive headspace. Even though my hands were free, I would never have thought about removing it unless I had permission to do so. It was a strange and almost scary feeling, and it took me a while thinking about it afterward to process.

I ultimately concluded that I liked the feeling, that headspace, at least tentatively. It’s something I’m curious about exploring in the future. I’m also wondering if that was a one-time thing or if being gagged like that will always put me into that submissive space.

CK had fun too; he’s normally the one doing the bottoming, and these playtimes give him a chance to let out his top/sadistic side. I think he’s enjoying exploring that side of himself.

In any case…it was amazingly fun, I’m amazingly sore, and I have some amazingly cool bitemarks. If I can get the boy back over before they fade, I’ll try to get some pics. They’re not in spots that I can photograph successfully.

Anybody else have odd triggers like that, or notice a difference between bottom-space and subspace? Am I overthinking things (because I do tend to do that)? Anybody want to massage a sore back and ass?

So I bought an old leather jacket at Goodwill for twenty bucks. I did this as much to learn how to work with leather as anything else, because it was simply cheaper than buying leather of the same grade just to practice on.

The jacket was of a thin leather with a soft, not-quite-suede backside. I deconstructed the jacket, and used the arms to make a prototype flogger. I really only made it originally as a pattern, figuring I’d buy good leather to make a real flogger. I kind of wanted to get the feel of it.

Y’know what? I think it may just work as a real toy. The 26 falls are 1/4″, and so very very soft. It makes a wicked slapping sound, but a minimum of actual impact. It may even be softer than the brushed-out rope.

I’m pleased with the result. Now to buy good thicker leather and make something a little more intense…*grins evilly*

So this time I’m showing off one of my new toys: nylon rope that’s been through my supersecret patented dyeing proces (okay, so not supersecret. I used Kool-Aid. What? It’s pretty and it smells like grape. ). The pic above is the black cherry version, the one I’m wearing is grape. *grin*

Happy HNT!
(by the way, Dee…took the bra off. Where’s my chocolate? )

Not of me. CK requested a photoshoot; I think as much to impress a girl as anything else. *grin* I obliged, because I enjoy photography quite a bit, and it’s just fun to get the boy nearly naked and in cuffs, chains, and/or rope.

So, I figured I’d post a few of them. The ones I’m posting don’t show enough of his face for you to be able to pick him out of a crowd, and that’s as much to keep me from being outed as him. I really don’t think he’d care if I posted the ones with his face in ‘em, but it’s one of those things. Anonymity and privacy are big things for me.

On to the pics!

These two turned out very well. I like both versions, but I think I’m tending toward liking the warmth of the color version best. The black and white is rather artistic, though.
He’s got a pair of leather wrist cuffs that he finds very comfortable, but he doesn’t have an ankle set. The boy needs to pick some up. The shibari was an experiment, and too much fun to tie.

He just looks really good in the shot on the left. And as for the right, I love a hogtie.

There’s lots of pics I unfortunately can’t share unless I crop out his head or blur his face; either way it’d be a shame. So right now, these are going to be it. There’ll probably be another shoot in the future, and I’ll share others then.

Enjoy, people.

(crossposted verbatim from Catalina Loves. Click link for original post)

Lochai “working” at Hogtied.com

SAN FRANCISCO (August 22, 2008) – Award-winning fine art bondage photographer Lochai will take over from Matt Williams as director of Kink.com’s Hogtied.com, the company announced today.

“Hogtied was our first site and we still consider it our flagship,” said Kink.com founder and CEO Peter Acworth. “We’re very pleased to bring Lochai on to continue the Hogtied tradition. He’s one of the best-known bondage riggers around and for years he’s been out there in the community, both as a photographer and as an educator. Most importantly, he really gets what’s fun and beautiful and hot about women in bondage – he understands the Kink.com esthetic. I’m very much looking forward to working with him.”

Lochai’s inaugural update on Hogtied.com is a sizzling 56-minute scene with 22-year-old Virginian beauty Isobel Wren. Shot when Lochai was auditioning for his new role, the scene currently headlines the site, In it, Wren is placed in Lochai’s trademark Japanese-influenced rope bondage and subjected to a stunning number of screaming orgasms, including a copious squirt. Throughout, Lochai’s sardonic humor tempers the intense bondage and stimulation.

Said Lochai:

“Everything that’s done in any of the Kink.com sites is real, so it’s not like I’m acting a part. I’m actually being myself. I’m sarcastic, I’m a smart ass, I laugh during scenes and I also console when someone’s upset. I’m going to be doing my real play, my real life, within the walls of the Armory, because that’s what’s expected by the customers — and that’s what’s expected by Kink.com. I’m going to be super comfortable there, because I feel like I’m home.”

An award winning photographer whose work appears in galleries as well as in publications like The British Journal of Photography, Secret, Skin Two, Bizarre, and in his own fine art books, Lochai is equally well known as a bondage educator, teaching classes at conferences around the United States and doing public scenes in nightclubs and at fetish events. A founding director of the Photo Artisans Guild (PAG), in West Palm Beach Florida, he was also the co-founder and co-curator of the Traveling Erotic Art Show, which spent two years touring the United States. He also moderates a group on BDSM social networking site FetLife, CommUNITY Building, that seeks to build BDSM and alternative sexuality leadership skills.

Lochai takes over from longtime Hogtied.com director Matt Williams, who began directing the site in 2003. Williams was recently promoted to Kink.com’s Creative Director, and will be guiding creative development on new sites as well as Kink.com’s existing sites. “I’m looking forward to helping with the overall creative level,” said Williams. “I’m going to work with existing sites and new sites both, developing the look and feel, and sharing fantasies that I have in my head — I have great ideas for each one of our sites.”

Williams will continue to direct unscripted girl-girl erotic wrestling site UltimateSurrender.com, which he calls “my little baby.” “I’m going to hang on to that – I have some great ideas for the future.”

Lochai expressed his excitement about his new role.

“Every person who’s ever sat down in front of me in a classroom, or who has surrounded me out in a club to watch what I’m doing, has wanted this job. They want to get paid to tie up beautiful women and get them off – and that’s my job. It’s a wonderful feeling, and an affirmation that my kink pays off.”

A longtime Florida resident, Lochai will be relocating in September to the San Francisco area. He says he’ll continue his work teaching bondage and SM lifestyle classes, both at the half-dozen conferences he traditionally attends annually, and in the San Francisco area.

For more information about Lochai, visit his site Kirinawa.com or email the Kink.com Public Relations Manager at thomas@kink.com. Webmasters interested in promoting Kink.com content, including Hogtied.com, please visit www.KinkyDollars.com or email the Kink.com affiliate manager at terry@kink.com.

ABOUT HOGTIED.COM: Hogtied was the first site in the Kink.com network, directed by founder Peter Acworth from 1997 until Matt Williams took over in 2003. Updated every Tuesday, Hogtied.com offers members more than 15,000 streaming minutes and more than 84,000 photos in over 400 episodes that feature beautiful women subjected to sexual rope bondage, erotic punishment, and repeated orgasms.

ABOUT KINK.COM: San Francisco erotica studio Kink.com provides authentic fetish entertainment that seeks to demystify alternative sexualities and inspire sexual adventurers. Since the launch of its first site, Hogtied.com, in 1997, Kink.com has developed a network of premium adult sites that now operate from studios in the San Francisco Armory, a decommissioned National Guard facility with sets ranging from stark dungeons to luxurious pieds-à-terre. Kink.com also operates a free documentary site at BehindKink.com and the leading fetish affiliate network, KinkyDollars.com.

Never thought I’d be doing this, but…

So there’s cause and then there’s effect. It’s simply the way the world works, and we have no power over the sequence.

The cause:And the effect:

Happy HNT!

(note: this post is done in a tongue in cheek manner, of course. This isn’t a drunken moment of exhibition; merely a sleepy moment of exhibition. *grin*)

After the play-party the other night, I got some interesting ideas for pervertibles and decided to go on a hunt. Off to the Dollar Store I went!

Click, of course, for a larger image. There are four different types of clips: wooden clothespins for the purists, rubberized spring clips, hard plastic spring clips and metal spring clips. They all have different strengths. I also picked up the makeup and pencil cases I have them in.

The red fuzzy thing is a mini-duster. Very soft and tickly. The black things below the duster are vinyl headbands. They actually deliver a decent stinging slap, and one has tiny vinyl teeth on one side. I’m trying to decide if I want to try to fabricate some sort of handle for them.

Then there’s the black spatula. Don’t laugh, I saw one used to good effect at the party. Then a dish brush with two nice scratchy brush surfaces with different textures. There’s a three-pack of hand sanitizer, a package of thumbtacks, and a pair of thin work gloves with a slightly nubbly grip surface on the palm. The long thing in the upper right: a two pack of glow-stick necklaces. *grin* 22″, whippy and stingy, and come with a black plastic sleeve to protect them before you actually want to use them. The sleeve itself is also interestingly stingy, and in a slightly different way.

A nice selection of stuff, no? And right around fifteen bucks, including tax.

Now, last night, during our weekly tabletop roleplaying game (my entire gaming group is kinky. It’s actually very cool), I pull out one of the gloves, some glue, and the thumbtacks. Normally during the game I’m snuggling on the couch with CK, so he was understandably curious when I started focusing on my project instead. SC caught what I was doing almost immediately and started grinning. FM couldn’t quite see me from his angle, so he just glanced over once in a while to see what was happening.

Once it became obvious what I was doing, CK perked up. “What does that feel like?” “Can I feel it?” I kept getting at various points of my creative process. *grin* I finally finished the prototype. I think I may redo it with the other glove, because the first one just ain’t cute. But, just so you can see:

It’s interesting. When I first tried it out, I was obviously using it too lightly, because CK started laughing from the tickling. I finally found the right pressure after a few tries and feedback from the boy.

Slightly off-topic, but that’s one thing I need to work on with any implement: Because I’m new and I don’t really know what the real effect of some of these things are when wielded by another person, I tend to be too timid. I need to be less cautious, but I also don’t want to go too hard, either. I’ll find a balance eventually, after some practice.

Did I mention the boy bites? Deep, strong bites. On me, when it starts to bruise this quickly, it’s gonna be around for a while. It hurt like a motherfucker…and it felt so good.

Today it’s sore. Every time I flex my shoulder and back muscles just right, I can feel the deeper bites like muscles sore from exercise. And I even enjoy this soreness.

When he bites, CK tends to hold me so I can’t move. Last night I let myself struggle a little bit; not enough that I was going to actually break away, but enough that he had to work a bit to hold on. The struggle wasn’t a complaint. I sometimes just like to test the strength of whatever (in this case, whomever) is restraining me. I could tell from the boy’s reactions that he liked that small bit of resistance. I think it surprised him (both that I liked to struggle and that he enjoyed it as well)…surprised me a bit too.

I thought both reactions were interesting…and now I’m curious. That’s how things always start…

It was actually hard coming up with a title for this post. The first thing that popped into my head was humorous, of course (it wouldn’t be me, otherwise) : “First Play Party: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly”. Problem is, there was no bad and no ugly. One perfectly good title down the tubes.

It was a blast. There’s an orientation before every party for first-timers, which makes sure the rules are known before entering the playspace. As for the playspace, all I can say is: Wow. Just wow.

And that thing about not playing during the first party, just observing? Yeah. Right. That lasted about an hour and a half. *grin*

I can’t go into a great deal of detail about the space or the people because I have no sort of permission from any of the participants to do so, but a few things I saw:

• Some beautiful, beautiful clothing. I want a corset more than ever now.
• Some beautiful, beautiful people, male and female alike. Many of the beautiful, strong, sensuous dominant women there? Larger women. Gorgeous.
• A feeding scene. Not my kink personally, but fascinating to watch.
• CBT performed on a couple of amazingly tough gentlemen.
• A wonderful foot-fetish scene.
• Some wonderful toys I’d never seen before. An evil stick? Gods, who came up with this thing? Instant welt, every time. I want one.

And some things I did:

• Learned to lace a corset. A waist cincher, to be exact. Got her down to about 22.5 inches.
• Learned a tiny bit of shibari. More just a little bit of the idea behind shibari, but it counts.
• Used a riding crop for the first time. Love it.
• Gave birthday spankings to an attractive gentleman I’d just met that evening (’spankings’ is a relative term. There was a riding crop involved).
• Flogged, scratched, bit, admired the ass of, and cropped a lovely young man that I’d never even spoken to (I was brought in as a third top for this lucky guy).

That’s a quick overview of it, of course, but it gives a basic idea of the excellent first experience I had. I really and truly hope I reflected well on my ’sponsors’ (SC and FM; they’ve been members of this group for a good while now). I tried not to come off as too much of a tourist, but I don’t know how successful I was. There was so much to see!

I do have to admit, by the time midnight rolled around, I was a little overwhelmed. Not in a bad way, but there was just a great deal to process.

It was like Disneyland for pervs. Awesome.

I’m pretty excited; I think it’s going to be a blast.

I haven’t met anybody that’s part of this group other than SC, FM, and CK, but they seem like a fun bunch. My plan is to just meet and mingle and observe tonight, but from everything people keep telling me about their first party experiences, I’m not completely ruling out the possibility of playing. I may just get adventurous.

Between common sense, what I’ve already learned from my friends in the scene, and the newbie orientation this group holds before its parties, I should be able to avoid making any major faux pas. Now if I can get a nap beforehand, I may be able to avoid yawning halfway through. I wanted to sleep in, and it didn’t happen. Grr.

So, wish me luck. *salute*