Ramblings of a Newbie

So the nice people at Sextoy.com sent me this awesome little Impressions paddle to tell you about. It’s made by a company called Sportsheets which I already love dearly for their Underbed Restraint System, so I had high hopes. I wasn’t disappointed.

It’s a smallish thing, which is pretty darn okay. It could easily sit anonymously in the bottom of a large purse and never be noticed. The design is simple: nicely sized handle, wide enough to be comfortable to the hand, in stitched leather over something stiff (plastic or wood, likely. Too light to be metal, I think?). There’s a grommet with a braided nylon wrist-strap. If you don’t like the nylon, switch it out for leather. It’ll work just as well.

The teabag is there for scale. Also because I simply wanted to work the word ‘teabag’ into a post.

The usable portion of the paddle (the ‘weapon’ part) is about five inches long and two and a quarter inches wide. You’ll notice from the picture that the word ‘OUCH’ is backwards. There’s a reason for that, don’t you worry. It’s a two-layered slapper-style paddle, as you can see from the next picture; this gives it a tendency to make a great noise even if your swats are somewhat sub-par. It’s flexible, but stiff enough to really pack a whallop if used properly.

As you can also see from the pic, the word ‘OUCH’ is a cutout. What that means to you is this:

That’s right. If done right, you get the word ‘OUCH’ in lovely lettering on your vic-…er, playmate’s body. It’s too much fun, especially in a group setting. Everybody wants to try their hand at getting the word to come up just a little clearer, there’s discussions about whose skin is pale enough to make the better background…it’s a lot of fun.

My only complaint about this toy is a small nitpicky one. When you look at the paddle itself, the ‘OUCH’ is in red. This is due to a piece of red paper between the layers. Good concept…but the fact that it’s paper kinda bugs me. A thin strip of suede between the layers or even lining the back layer in red leather would have been a little more finished-looking to me. The paper does just fine, but if it gets stained or torn, it’s done, and you’re looking at the roughly sueded back layer. It’s an aesthetic thing only, guys…I’m willing to overlook it, personally.

Overall, this is a really sturdy, well-stitched fun toy. I dig it quite a bit, as does CK (as long as he’s not on the receiving end). There’s other words as well, but this one just made me giggle.

Remember, kids, OUCH is not a safeword!

Sex toys provided by SexToy.com. Check out our excellent selection of bondage and bdsm products online. Butt provided by CK.

(Note for disclosure purposes: This product was provided free of charge for review purposes by Sextoy.com. I promise you that free product does not in any way ensure a good review; I have given products negative reviews in the past and will do so in the future if the product warrants it. )

It’s been a while since I’ve done a review…my life’s been going through a great many changes, mostly for the good, for a change. I’ll write about my life later on, though. Let’s get to the toy!!

One of the products I’ve asked to review is the Horse Bit Gag from Sextoy.com. I’d used one once in the past and enjoyed it; I didn’t get a good chance to examine it, however. This one I got to play with and dig into.

The design is extremely simple: two large rings on either end of a short length of rubber, leather straps also attached to the rings. Have your submissive/bottom/playpartner open their mouth, adjust the rubber length between their teeth and have them bite down to seat it properly. Buckle it while your sub has it between their teeth and it’s less likely to slip back too far when buckled.

It’s a sexy look, actually. There’s something about the oversized rings that makes it…I don’t know, exotic. The rings are super-shiny, the gag and straps more matte.  When I examined the straps I was pleased to find that they were actually riveted quite securely. These straps aren’t going to be under the same kinds of pulling and tugging as the straps on a pair of cuffs, but they’re just as sturdy.

The openings in the rings are very flush but aren’t soldered and I was a bit concerned that my long hair would get pinched. I actually tried to get my hair caught in one and I couldn’t do it. No worries there. The buckle is simple and easy to close securely and undo in a hurry if necessary.

A quick glimpse:

I like it quite a bit, actually. I have TMJ and was therefore a bit wary about using any kind of gag; a ballgag would be right out, I think. This one is comfortable for a period of time.

One caveat, and one that likely pertains to any type of gag that keeps the mouth open like this: Your mouth will water and there is likely to be drool. If your top is nice (or if they don’t notice *innocent whistle*) they’ll make it a tiny bit loose so you’ll be able to push the gag out and swallow occasionally. If your top likes drool…well, there you are.  As for the material, I’m not sure if it’s silicone or rubber. When in doubt, make it a one-person toy. The nice thing is it’s reasonably-priced enough that that’s not a problem.

CK and I haven’t really played much lately as life has gotten in the way, so when he started digging out toys last night it was a pleasant surprise. Earlier in the week I’d mentioned that I’d been watching a video of Mark Davis and Leah Jaye (no idea of the title, apologies) and had in the conversation described a few of the scenes. One of those had Mark putting a ball gag into Leah’s mouth and then making her count out each swat to the ass…I laughed when I mentioned how mean I thought that was.

Apparently that thought stuck, because CK broke out the bit gag and fastened it securely between my teeth. The gag doesn’t stop you from making noise, mind you, it merely stops you from enunciating properly. It also puts me into a very submissive headspace very quickly.  He buckled the strap and then bent me over the bed so I couldn’t see what else he was grabbing.

He started in on me first with his hands, spanking me hard enough that I was whimpering around the length of rubber in my mouth. The muffled cries just seemed to make him slap my ass faster and harder; then he grabbed the floggers. Now I have to admit, I don’t remember the order of the toys, but twice he made me count blows from one to twenty with this damn gag in my mouth. *grin*  He also made sure I was enunciating as properly as possible, for which I am surely going to get him back. The word “seventeen” is extremely hard to say when there’s something in your mouth. Try it. Seriously.

I had to finally signal him to remove it because something about the way it sat had started triggering my gag reflex. That’s not a fault of the product, mind you, it happens to me sometimes with other things too. Keep that in mind, people. It’s going to be hard for you to say a safeword while wearing this, so make sure you have some kind of non-verbal signals in place as well.

All in all, I liked this product immensely. It’s simple, it’s easy to deal with, and it’s affordable. I haven’t compared it to a ball gag and likely won’t try (I don’t want to irritate my jaw any more than I tend to now), but I’d be curious to see a comparison from someone that’s used both. Anybody?

Sex toys provided by SexToy.com. Check out our excellent selection of bondage and bdsm products online.

(Note for disclosure purposes: This product was provided free of charge for review purposes by Sextoy.com. I promise you that free product does not in any way ensure a good review; I have given products negative reviews in the past and will do so in the future if the product warrants it. )

The nice and happy peeps at Sextoy.com have a great selection of BDSM and Fetish toys, and I’ve been having fun with ‘em.

One of the latest ones I’ve gotten has been the Four-lashed whip made by Strict Leather. It’s a heavy leather flogger with four braided tails, like so:

It’s got some weight to it. It’s actually quite comfortable in the hand, and the leather scent is very noticeable, which I consider a big plus. It was somewhat stiff when it first arrived but after handling and use it’s beginning to soften up and move quite nicely.

The braiding on the handle is good and tight. If I didn’t like this toy so much I’d consider taking it apart to see how it was done…but I really do like this flogger.

The ends of the falls are tipped with thick knots (I think they may be wall knots, but I’m not sure) with a few inches of fringe. The knots deliver a gorgeous thud, and the fringe stings. Using the length of the braided falls like a strap across a willing ass feels like a belt (according to CK, at least).

Those heavy knotted falls will leave bruises quite easily; this isn’t a toy for a beginner. Yes, I still consider myself a beginner, but I have a little bit of experience under my belt. This shouldn’t be the first flogger a top picks up, but with a little practice it’s quite nice.

This flogger appeals to me on a lot of levels. It looks menacing, has a lovely scent, feels good both in the hand and on the back, and is a very decent price. I recommend it.

Thanks to Sextoy.com (home of an amazing selection of sex toys) for the chance to play with this lovely thing!

While searching for cool new sex toys to review, I came across this guy:

It’s Dr Joel Kaplan’s Nipple Pump System 2 (though I’m not sure what happened to System 1). It’s one of the many women’s sex toys you can find on the site.

It’s pretty darn cool, actually. I’d never used one before, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I think I kind of expected a sort of suckling sort of thing, but that’s not what this puppy does.

My finger’s in there for scale. It’s actually no fun to use this on yer fingers, so don’t bother. The pump looks like something you’d use to fix a car with. It’s a great mad-scientist looking contraption, and I’m really digging it.

The only downside that I can see (and it’s a really little one, so hardly a downside) is that it came with no hints. Yes, yes, I know, it’s not rocket science. Apply to skin and squeeze the handle thingy. It really is that simple. The hints I would have wanted are things like: skin dry or moist? How much pressure is safe, and for how long? And yes, you can tell pretty exactly how much pressure is being applied:

After a question or two on Twitter, I got the idea that moist skin made for a better seal. Makes sense, really. As for the safety factor, I decided simply to play it by ear and not go hog-wild with it.

I tried it by myself first, and it was a touch awkward because you have to hold the bulbs against their intended targets while you squeeze the handle; now, once you create that seal with a single good pump you can let go of the bulbs. Two or three pumps will draw your nipples deep into the clear plastic cups and cause a tight pinching sensation. It’s nothing like the nasty squeeze of nipple clamps, but it’s still harsh. There’s a release valve at the bottom of the gauge that can either release the vacuum completely or let out a touch at a time to lighten the pressure. I had fun testing it by myself and noticed it really made my nipples insanely sensitive (and they’re already pretty damn sensitive!).

The real test of a toy is sometimes when you can get someone else to use it on you; that’s where CK came in. He’s always willing to oblige me in my playtesting…so altruistic.

He went into my bedroom, grabbed several things from my toybox, and came back into the living room. My top quickly came off and after a moment or two of making sure my nipples were nice and moist (*grin*), he had me hold the bulbs to my nipples while he controlled the handle. One quick pump and I was able to let go, and then he started playing. Two or three quick pumps while I gasped and writhed, then using the valve to release a little pressure; then another quick squeeze or two. This went on for a few minutes, then I decided to try an experiment. There’s a little silver catch on the cups where the cup meets the tubing that looked like it was meant to slide in.

I slid the little catch in, and sure enough I was able to remove the tube and the bulb stayed on, and it was bizarrely hot-looking. However, that broke the vacuum and the other bulb released. I haven’t yet been able to get both bulbs to stay on at once; I think it’s a matter of coordinating it just right. I’ll continue to work on it.

Once CK found out how sensitive my nipples got after this treatment, he had a blast. The other items he pulled out were one of my evil sticks and both sets of clover clamps (his and mine). The clamps got applied readily and the evil stick used post-haste. Those things normally hurt quite a lot, and after the sensitizing influence of the pump it felt like fire on my nipples. Amazingly hot.

The boy grinned at this point and said, “I got an idea”. When he says this, it usually means that I’m going to end up in pain (the happy kind)…so I eyed him warily as he took off my pants. He placed one bulb of the nipple pump on my right nipple and made me hold it. The other one he pressed to my clit. A couple of pumps and I was loving it…I really can’t describe the sensation properly. It was a sucking-squeezing-tugging kind of thing, and it was excellent. And yes, it makes your clit just as sensitive as it makes your nipples.

This product right here? Get it. It’s an awesome playtoy. I like the look of it (very clinical; slightly intimidating), I love the feel of it, and I love that it’s an easy toy to use. I recommend it highly.

After my playtesting of it, I found that Alpine SubDreams had reviewed this product for Sextoy.com as well. Take a look!

One of the less fun things about having sex toys is keeping them clean. The nice people at Sextoy.com gave me the opportunity to try out an antibacterial toy cleaner by the Berman Center. If you’re looking for the toy cleaners, look in the Lotions and Lubes category. I know that’s a bit odd, but there’s not really a need for a ‘care and feeding of your toys’ category.

This is something that can be used both pre- and post-playtime. The cleaner contains Triclosan, which is an antibacterial and antifungal. It’s also got some minor antiviral properties, but not enough to make it your only line of defense when sharing toys; you still have to boil those suckers if you’re gonna share the wealth!

My original thought for this was that it would be great if it would work as a cleaner for toys that could conceivably break skin: Wartenberg wheels, evil sticks and the like. It would make it a lot easier than carrying around bleach wipes, bleach solution, or betadine. But, once I got the cleaner and started researching the properties of its active ingredient, I nixed that idea. It’s essentially going to act as a replacement for the mild soap you’d use cleaning your toys normally.

It has no odor that I can detect, which is nice. It’s in a small pump spray bottle: just coat the toy with the spray, rub aaalll over to clean (nooow the review’s getting sexy…), then rinse in warm/hot water (aw, the sexy’s gone).

This product is not a bad product. It really isn’t. It does exactly what it’s supposed to do in exactly the way it’s supposed to do it. However…the need for a dedicated toy cleaner when mild antibacterial hand soap may just have the same or equivalent ingredient may simply not be a pressing one.

If you want something portable and unscented that you know is antibacterial, this may be for you. Otherwise, to be perfectly honest, it’s a little unnecessary. Save the bucks and put ‘em towards a new toy.

As always, thanks to Sextoy.com (really cool cats!) for letting me try this stuff out!

This week I’m reviewing a gorgeous Black and Red suede flogger from Sextoy.com. Of all of the BDSM and fetish items I’ve purchased, made, and gotten for review lately, I have to say this is one of my favorites.

The picture used on the website is really really good, but it has to be. I’ve gotten used to even the good toys looking considerably less perfect when they arrive, and I have to admit after getting the paddle I reviewed last time I was a bit wary. With this one, I was impressed. The colors are gorgeous, the construction absolutely solid. This was obviously made to be used, and made by people who took some pride in their work.

It’s longer than most of the other floggers I have, but is made of a lightweight suede so it’s not an overwhelming toy. It’s easy to swing, and can slap or pack a mild thud depending on how it’s used. It’s very comfortable in the hand and the tails fall as they should, in a predictable arc. As it is a long flogger, please please be wary of wraparound. A trick a friend taught me is to place a folded towel around your bottom’s neck to protect the neck and face against mis-strikes. As I’m relatively new to all of this, it’s a trick I use often. It may look a bit odd, but it gives a little peace of mind.

Now, most of these reviews I tend to give cleaning tips. Suede is kind of its own animal, and I’m not really sure of ways to clean this on the fly so it won’t destroy the material…I’m open to suggestions. I know there are suede cleaners, but not sure how they’ll do on a material that will contact skin. Until we know how to clean ‘em, avoid having the suede touch blood or other potentially hazardous bodily fluids unless it’s going to be a one-person toy. Yes, maybe it’s a touch paranoid, but a little paranoia never hurt anyone.

So anyway, my final verdict: Awesome. Many kinds of awesome. I definitely recommend, and the price is actually seriously good for this flogger. If you’re in the market for a nice lightweight suede warmup toy, this is it.

Check out Sextoy.com for other kinds of nice kinky sex toys, too!

The wonderful people at Sextoy.com (great selection of sex toys there) gave me the opportunity to try out the Bark and Bite Spanker paddle, part of their extensive BDSM and Fetish collection.

The toy looked really promising; it has a faux-fur side, a ‘wood-finish’ side (as stated in the description), and seemed like a fun idea. For the first time in a review I have to say I was a bit underwhelmed.

The concept is excellent. The fur feels very nice against the skin and the wooden side does have a sting to it if wielded properly. The problem here comes in with the construction of the toy. In the package, it looked pretty darn good, but once you get it out you realize it’s essentially an oversized thin ping-pong paddle. It looks like it was spraypainted black and had a circle of black faux fur glued on the other side, and the fur wasn’t glued on very well to boot. When I opened it, the glue was already coming loose and use made the fur pad come off even more. I glued it back with some Mighty Mendit (I’m so sorry, Dangerous Lilly…Billy Mays got me) and it’s stayed put since.

My impression of this paddle is that it’s for the mostly-vanilla (not using the term in a perjorative way, mind you; just as a descriptor) set that wants a little spice in the bedroom without the price tag or scare factor of higher-end BDSM equipment. For people that are a little more serious with their play, it’s not going to impress. Hell, I know at least one or two subs that I could break this thing over their asses…;)

So my recommendation: if you’re looking for a light tease for a weekend escapade and don’t plan on serious use, this will do. If you’re a more hardcore player and want something that’s going to do a little more for you, something like this may do you better. Now, I haven’t tried that one, keep in mind, but it looks like it’s of better construction than the Bark and Bite.

Thanks again to Sextoy.com for the opportunity to try this out!