Ramblings of a Newbie

I have a confession to make. I’m bad with numbers, especially dimensions. If you tell me how big something is, give me a point of reference or I’m totally off.

The cool people over at Tabu Toys gave me the opportunity to pick one of their sex toys to review, and as I browsed I saw the Nexus GyroXtreme. It looked really cool design-wise, and I’ve used a Nexus toy before (granted, I used it on someone else…the Neo, on my friend NM). I’d been looking for a mid-range anal toy along these lines, and this one can be used both anally and vaginally, so I figured it was a bonus.

I looked at the dimensions: 6″ by 1.7″ in diameter. Even though the description says quite specifically “Not for the faint-hearted”, I thought it didn’t sound too terribly large. Therefore, I requested it. I got it and gleefully opened it up…and stared. It’s big. For a vaginal toy, it’s not monstrous…but for an anal toy it’s really a challenge for me.

The teabag from the last review is included for scale. The length is solidly average, but the girth is impressive. There is one use I discovered that wasn’t listed in the description:

It’s totally a weapon. You could seriously whack somebody on the noggin with this dude. It’s solid heavy silicone and could cause a big ol concussion! Yeah!

It’s silicone, which all of you guys know I love. It’s sterilizable and shareable, and it’s (like a Slinky) fun for a girl and a boy.  Remember, no silicone lube with silicone toys. Waterbased lube is perfect. Make sure to sterilize before going from anal play to vaginal, or slap a condom on that puppy before it meets your butt.

The shaft is thick, with a sizeable bulge close to the tip. The tip itself is tilted slightly so as to stimulate your g-spot, p-spot, or whatever spot you got.  The base is really unique and is basically a half-sphere from which the dildo emerges.  The cool part about this is that once it’s inserted and seated snugly in your favorite orifice, you can sit up on it (or back it up against a wall, or have your partner take it firmly in hand) and gyrate your hips. This makes that bulge and the defined tip press against happy places inside you…

I used this vaginally with great success. It’s an extremely filling sensation, which I quite enjoy. This plus the Hitachi was incredibly intense; the head of the vibrator was able to press against both my clit and the base of the GyroXtreme.  I have to admit that I’ve so far failed to take the whole thing anally. Once I can get past that bulge, I’ll be all good, but so far I haven’t succeeded. I’m gonna have to work up to it. Mark my words: I will do it. Oh yes, I will. When I do, I’ll do a followup post.

Thanks again, Tabu Toys!

(Note for disclosure purposes: This product was provided free of charge for review purposes by Tabu Toys. I promise you that free product does not in any way ensure a good review; I have given products negative reviews in the past and will do so in the future if the product warrants it. )

The awesome folks at Tabutoys.com gave me the opportunity to try out the Evolved Slender Marvel for you guys.

This cool toy came in an extremely attractive tin, something Evolved is known for. They can be used to store the toy if you like, or you can remove the inserts and keep all kinds of stuff in ‘em…this one is gonna be used for condoms and lube packets so I don’t have to dig around for ‘em in the heat of the moment.

It’s made of TPE, which is a phthalate-free material. It stands for ThermoPlastic Elastomer, and it’s a happy, body-safe thing. It’s porous, mind you, unlike silicone. This isn’t gonna be a sharing kind of toy unless you slap a condom on it. In other words, not sterilizable; don’t boil it, dishwasher it, or bleach it.

I like the Marvel for a number of reasons, actually. First, it’s extremely attractive. I love the purple color (not lavender; a real purple), and I love the soft curves that make up the design.

I’m pleased with the fact that they didn’t try to make the clitoral stimulator into the shape of some animal or another as the rabbit-style vibes are wont to do.  It’s a simple design, and I dig that.

Next, it’s waterproof! Yay! Waterproof toys are a wonder. Shower, bath, pool, squirting, whatever, it’s all good (actually, as to the pool thing: not sure about pool chemicals and elastomer. Anybody?).

And finally, the vibrator part of the toy. It’s got three vibration speeds, all controlled by a push-button on the base of the toy. Your hand’s likely to be right there anyway, so it makes it seriously easy to deal with; no turning, twisting or sliding, just click and go.

The vibrations range from subtle and mild to pretty impressive. The cool part is, there’s an egg in the clitoral stimulator part of it and an egg in the shaft. Instead of the egg in the shaft being all the way at the base, it’s at the very tip, so the sensation is very spread out.

Pardon the dust! It's TPE.

This is a great toy for thrusting because of the slender smooth shaft. It’s not huge, which works quite well for me. The internal vibrations are actually really pleasant, and I normally am not a huge fan of internal vibes. When I’m done playing and it’s come down to business, slipping this toy in fully so the thumb-shaped stimulator is nestled lovingly against my clit is the key. Once it’s pressed in as far as it will go, gently rotating it just a touch will absolutely do the trick and get me off in no time.

Cleanup is quick and easy with some sort of antibacterial cloth, soap, or toy cleaner; be aware that TPE, like silicone, will collect dust, so store it accordingly.

The only thing I think I’d change is actually something I wouldn’t change. I know that sounds strange, so let me explain my contradictory self. The two vibrating eggs are controlled by the same controller, and they vibrate at the same rate. My clit can handle far stronger vibrations than my pussy can, so it’d be nice if the two eggs could be controlled separately…

The problem with that idea is that it would kill one of my favorite pluses about this product: The simplicity of design. The one-button quick-clicking control is great! When you add a second control, the design would be less streamlined and less pleasant.  Basically, while it would be nice to have two different possibilities for speeds, it’s not worth risking the loss of the current design.

So yeah. Definitely recommended. Thanks, Tabutoys!

So the nice people at Sextoy.com sent me this awesome little Impressions paddle to tell you about. It’s made by a company called Sportsheets which I already love dearly for their Underbed Restraint System, so I had high hopes. I wasn’t disappointed.

It’s a smallish thing, which is pretty darn okay. It could easily sit anonymously in the bottom of a large purse and never be noticed. The design is simple: nicely sized handle, wide enough to be comfortable to the hand, in stitched leather over something stiff (plastic or wood, likely. Too light to be metal, I think?). There’s a grommet with a braided nylon wrist-strap. If you don’t like the nylon, switch it out for leather. It’ll work just as well.

The teabag is there for scale. Also because I simply wanted to work the word ‘teabag’ into a post.

The usable portion of the paddle (the ‘weapon’ part) is about five inches long and two and a quarter inches wide. You’ll notice from the picture that the word ‘OUCH’ is backwards. There’s a reason for that, don’t you worry. It’s a two-layered slapper-style paddle, as you can see from the next picture; this gives it a tendency to make a great noise even if your swats are somewhat sub-par. It’s flexible, but stiff enough to really pack a whallop if used properly.

As you can also see from the pic, the word ‘OUCH’ is a cutout. What that means to you is this:

That’s right. If done right, you get the word ‘OUCH’ in lovely lettering on your vic-…er, playmate’s body. It’s too much fun, especially in a group setting. Everybody wants to try their hand at getting the word to come up just a little clearer, there’s discussions about whose skin is pale enough to make the better background…it’s a lot of fun.

My only complaint about this toy is a small nitpicky one. When you look at the paddle itself, the ‘OUCH’ is in red. This is due to a piece of red paper between the layers. Good concept…but the fact that it’s paper kinda bugs me. A thin strip of suede between the layers or even lining the back layer in red leather would have been a little more finished-looking to me. The paper does just fine, but if it gets stained or torn, it’s done, and you’re looking at the roughly sueded back layer. It’s an aesthetic thing only, guys…I’m willing to overlook it, personally.

Overall, this is a really sturdy, well-stitched fun toy. I dig it quite a bit, as does CK (as long as he’s not on the receiving end). There’s other words as well, but this one just made me giggle.

Remember, kids, OUCH is not a safeword!

Sex toys provided by SexToy.com. Check out our excellent selection of bondage and bdsm products online. Butt provided by CK.

(Note for disclosure purposes: This product was provided free of charge for review purposes by Sextoy.com. I promise you that free product does not in any way ensure a good review; I have given products negative reviews in the past and will do so in the future if the product warrants it. )

I haven’t done an HNT in quite a while and I just kinda felt like putting one out there today, so here we go:

I’m not a girly girl by any means. I still self-identify as female; I just am not your stereotypical female. I’ll occasionally fuss with my hair, generally only to dye it. My friend the hairstylist has to remind me to cut it, and convince me not to do it myself with whatever scissors are lying around. My nails I grow long simply because I like scratching. *grin* They get trimmed and shaped so they don’t snag things, but I rarely paint ‘em.

It’s the same kind of situation with clothing. I normally simply don’t bother wearing girly things. I don’t find them comfortable and I’m not convinced they suit me. Now, there are exceptions. I have a black velvet corset-style top that I think is quite flattering, and I also have an off-the-rack lingerie corset (not a real lace-up job) that gets good reviews. Most of the rest of my clothing is relatively unisex.

I’ve started getting a little more experimental in the dress-up department, however…window-shopping for corsets and lingerie, finding outfits that might be fun and sexy in the bedroom. Recently I ordered a plaid schoolgirl skirt because CK mentioned he liked the look (I think most hetero males do to some degree, to be honest). It came with a red halter-style bikini top (laughable, considering the size of my breasts), a black off-shoulder see-through half-top, the skirt, and fishnet knee-highs. I’ll be putting a white blouse over the ensemble, and I picked up white cotton underwear to complete the look.

I haven’t worn it for him yet for the simple reason that we haven’t had a good deal of time to play…and I’m definitely hoping for a good reaction from it. He wanted me to try it on for him when I got it, but I refused. I’m just mean like that.

So just to kind of give a little preview of one part of the outfit, here’s my HNT for this week:

Happy HNT, all!

It’s been a while since I’ve done a review…my life’s been going through a great many changes, mostly for the good, for a change. I’ll write about my life later on, though. Let’s get to the toy!!

One of the products I’ve asked to review is the Horse Bit Gag from Sextoy.com. I’d used one once in the past and enjoyed it; I didn’t get a good chance to examine it, however. This one I got to play with and dig into.

The design is extremely simple: two large rings on either end of a short length of rubber, leather straps also attached to the rings. Have your submissive/bottom/playpartner open their mouth, adjust the rubber length between their teeth and have them bite down to seat it properly. Buckle it while your sub has it between their teeth and it’s less likely to slip back too far when buckled.

It’s a sexy look, actually. There’s something about the oversized rings that makes it…I don’t know, exotic. The rings are super-shiny, the gag and straps more matte.  When I examined the straps I was pleased to find that they were actually riveted quite securely. These straps aren’t going to be under the same kinds of pulling and tugging as the straps on a pair of cuffs, but they’re just as sturdy.

The openings in the rings are very flush but aren’t soldered and I was a bit concerned that my long hair would get pinched. I actually tried to get my hair caught in one and I couldn’t do it. No worries there. The buckle is simple and easy to close securely and undo in a hurry if necessary.

A quick glimpse:

I like it quite a bit, actually. I have TMJ and was therefore a bit wary about using any kind of gag; a ballgag would be right out, I think. This one is comfortable for a period of time.

One caveat, and one that likely pertains to any type of gag that keeps the mouth open like this: Your mouth will water and there is likely to be drool. If your top is nice (or if they don’t notice *innocent whistle*) they’ll make it a tiny bit loose so you’ll be able to push the gag out and swallow occasionally. If your top likes drool…well, there you are.  As for the material, I’m not sure if it’s silicone or rubber. When in doubt, make it a one-person toy. The nice thing is it’s reasonably-priced enough that that’s not a problem.

CK and I haven’t really played much lately as life has gotten in the way, so when he started digging out toys last night it was a pleasant surprise. Earlier in the week I’d mentioned that I’d been watching a video of Mark Davis and Leah Jaye (no idea of the title, apologies) and had in the conversation described a few of the scenes. One of those had Mark putting a ball gag into Leah’s mouth and then making her count out each swat to the ass…I laughed when I mentioned how mean I thought that was.

Apparently that thought stuck, because CK broke out the bit gag and fastened it securely between my teeth. The gag doesn’t stop you from making noise, mind you, it merely stops you from enunciating properly. It also puts me into a very submissive headspace very quickly.  He buckled the strap and then bent me over the bed so I couldn’t see what else he was grabbing.

He started in on me first with his hands, spanking me hard enough that I was whimpering around the length of rubber in my mouth. The muffled cries just seemed to make him slap my ass faster and harder; then he grabbed the floggers. Now I have to admit, I don’t remember the order of the toys, but twice he made me count blows from one to twenty with this damn gag in my mouth. *grin*  He also made sure I was enunciating as properly as possible, for which I am surely going to get him back. The word “seventeen” is extremely hard to say when there’s something in your mouth. Try it. Seriously.

I had to finally signal him to remove it because something about the way it sat had started triggering my gag reflex. That’s not a fault of the product, mind you, it happens to me sometimes with other things too. Keep that in mind, people. It’s going to be hard for you to say a safeword while wearing this, so make sure you have some kind of non-verbal signals in place as well.

All in all, I liked this product immensely. It’s simple, it’s easy to deal with, and it’s affordable. I haven’t compared it to a ball gag and likely won’t try (I don’t want to irritate my jaw any more than I tend to now), but I’d be curious to see a comparison from someone that’s used both. Anybody?

Sex toys provided by SexToy.com. Check out our excellent selection of bondage and bdsm products online.

(Note for disclosure purposes: This product was provided free of charge for review purposes by Sextoy.com. I promise you that free product does not in any way ensure a good review; I have given products negative reviews in the past and will do so in the future if the product warrants it. )

The nice and happy peeps at Sextoy.com have a great selection of BDSM and Fetish toys, and I’ve been having fun with ‘em.

One of the latest ones I’ve gotten has been the Four-lashed whip made by Strict Leather. It’s a heavy leather flogger with four braided tails, like so:

It’s got some weight to it. It’s actually quite comfortable in the hand, and the leather scent is very noticeable, which I consider a big plus. It was somewhat stiff when it first arrived but after handling and use it’s beginning to soften up and move quite nicely.

The braiding on the handle is good and tight. If I didn’t like this toy so much I’d consider taking it apart to see how it was done…but I really do like this flogger.

The ends of the falls are tipped with thick knots (I think they may be wall knots, but I’m not sure) with a few inches of fringe. The knots deliver a gorgeous thud, and the fringe stings. Using the length of the braided falls like a strap across a willing ass feels like a belt (according to CK, at least).

Those heavy knotted falls will leave bruises quite easily; this isn’t a toy for a beginner. Yes, I still consider myself a beginner, but I have a little bit of experience under my belt. This shouldn’t be the first flogger a top picks up, but with a little practice it’s quite nice.

This flogger appeals to me on a lot of levels. It looks menacing, has a lovely scent, feels good both in the hand and on the back, and is a very decent price. I recommend it.

Thanks to Sextoy.com (home of an amazing selection of sex toys) for the chance to play with this lovely thing!

While searching for cool new sex toys to review, I came across this guy:

It’s Dr Joel Kaplan’s Nipple Pump System 2 (though I’m not sure what happened to System 1). It’s one of the many women’s sex toys you can find on the site.

It’s pretty darn cool, actually. I’d never used one before, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I think I kind of expected a sort of suckling sort of thing, but that’s not what this puppy does.

My finger’s in there for scale. It’s actually no fun to use this on yer fingers, so don’t bother. The pump looks like something you’d use to fix a car with. It’s a great mad-scientist looking contraption, and I’m really digging it.

The only downside that I can see (and it’s a really little one, so hardly a downside) is that it came with no hints. Yes, yes, I know, it’s not rocket science. Apply to skin and squeeze the handle thingy. It really is that simple. The hints I would have wanted are things like: skin dry or moist? How much pressure is safe, and for how long? And yes, you can tell pretty exactly how much pressure is being applied:

After a question or two on Twitter, I got the idea that moist skin made for a better seal. Makes sense, really. As for the safety factor, I decided simply to play it by ear and not go hog-wild with it.

I tried it by myself first, and it was a touch awkward because you have to hold the bulbs against their intended targets while you squeeze the handle; now, once you create that seal with a single good pump you can let go of the bulbs. Two or three pumps will draw your nipples deep into the clear plastic cups and cause a tight pinching sensation. It’s nothing like the nasty squeeze of nipple clamps, but it’s still harsh. There’s a release valve at the bottom of the gauge that can either release the vacuum completely or let out a touch at a time to lighten the pressure. I had fun testing it by myself and noticed it really made my nipples insanely sensitive (and they’re already pretty damn sensitive!).

The real test of a toy is sometimes when you can get someone else to use it on you; that’s where CK came in. He’s always willing to oblige me in my playtesting…so altruistic.

He went into my bedroom, grabbed several things from my toybox, and came back into the living room. My top quickly came off and after a moment or two of making sure my nipples were nice and moist (*grin*), he had me hold the bulbs to my nipples while he controlled the handle. One quick pump and I was able to let go, and then he started playing. Two or three quick pumps while I gasped and writhed, then using the valve to release a little pressure; then another quick squeeze or two. This went on for a few minutes, then I decided to try an experiment. There’s a little silver catch on the cups where the cup meets the tubing that looked like it was meant to slide in.

I slid the little catch in, and sure enough I was able to remove the tube and the bulb stayed on, and it was bizarrely hot-looking. However, that broke the vacuum and the other bulb released. I haven’t yet been able to get both bulbs to stay on at once; I think it’s a matter of coordinating it just right. I’ll continue to work on it.

Once CK found out how sensitive my nipples got after this treatment, he had a blast. The other items he pulled out were one of my evil sticks and both sets of clover clamps (his and mine). The clamps got applied readily and the evil stick used post-haste. Those things normally hurt quite a lot, and after the sensitizing influence of the pump it felt like fire on my nipples. Amazingly hot.

The boy grinned at this point and said, “I got an idea”. When he says this, it usually means that I’m going to end up in pain (the happy kind)…so I eyed him warily as he took off my pants. He placed one bulb of the nipple pump on my right nipple and made me hold it. The other one he pressed to my clit. A couple of pumps and I was loving it…I really can’t describe the sensation properly. It was a sucking-squeezing-tugging kind of thing, and it was excellent. And yes, it makes your clit just as sensitive as it makes your nipples.

This product right here? Get it. It’s an awesome playtoy. I like the look of it (very clinical; slightly intimidating), I love the feel of it, and I love that it’s an easy toy to use. I recommend it highly.

After my playtesting of it, I found that Alpine SubDreams had reviewed this product for Sextoy.com as well. Take a look!

The nice people at www.tabutoys.com were kind enough to let me try out the Tantus Ripple. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it: Tantus rocks. I have yet to be disappointed by one of their products.

They’re all high-quality silicone, which means (yes, loyal readers, I’m gonna say it again. There may be new people reading this that haven’t heard it the many times I’ve said it before. Go get a soda. By the time you’re back, I’ll be done) that it is able to be sanitized. Boiling, a ten percent bleach solution, or top rack of the dishwasher (no soap! [radio]) will do it. Because it can be sanitized, it can be used vaginally and anally and can be shared. Don’t use yer nice slippery silicone lube with it, because it’ll be a bad scene. Water-based, baby!

*waits for regular readers to get back with their sodas* Ready? Good.

I got home one day to this lovely purple guy waiting at my doorstep for me, extremely glad none of my neighbors picked it up by accident…

(shown with clothespin for scale. I know all you pervs have clothespins handy.)

It’s designed as an anal plug, though it can be used vaginally as well. I know this because, well, I used it vaginally first. I was a little intimidated by the size of it for anal use, to be honest. Vaginally…wow. I’m discovering that while I do like smooth toys, textures are amazingly fun. Because it tapers like it does, it slides in with ease; clenching around it as you pull it out means that you get to feel every single one of those ‘beads’ slipping out, one by one. It’s a pretty unique sensation, and I dig it.

Then…I realized I was simply gonna have to bite the bullet and use it in the manner for which it was intended. Out came the lube (do I really have to give the ‘lots of lube for anal play’ lecture? You guys should know that by now. Lots. Of. Lube.). I lubed that puppy up, stared it down, then added more lube. I decided the best way to really try this one out was to let it sit on its flared base and lower myself carefully onto it, so I did so. I also recruited the assistance of Mr Hitachi, who kindly distracted me from any possible discomfort.

First bead…not bad at all. I’d used the Peridise plugs, and the tip of the larger one is about the same size as the first bead of the Ripple.

Second bead…still doable. It’s designed to give you a small rest after each bead and not slip backwards.

Third bead…a challenge, but with enough lube anything can be accomplished! I paused after this one, wondering if I could actually take the rest.

Fourth bead…When this one slides home, you know it’s there. I had to work to insert this final bead, but it was worth it.

This toy is very interesting; between it and the Hitachi pressed lightly to my clit, the orgasm was insanely intense. Had I been less of a scaredy-cat, I would’ve grabbed one of my other Tantus toys and gone for a double penetration…but I figured the Hitachi was distraction enough. Maybe for future experiments.

Now, for further experimentation, I strapped it into my harness (also supplied by the lovely people at Tabu Toys) during my playdate with my friend. It worked, and it was a lot of fun on both ends. I could feel the resistance of each bead as I thrust it slowly into him, and he reacted quite nicely to the sensation. I have to admit: the harness, while it fit, was a bit awkward. I found the angle of the dildo a bit odd. Keep in mind that I’m a quite large woman, so your mileage will likely vary. I have a feeling on a smaller woman (average build to small) this harness would work quite well. A little awkward for me, unfortunately. Nevertheless, it was still quite fun and I was able to work around the odd angles.

One final note: I absolutely love the quote on the product page: “Feel it go POP!” It made me giggle when I read it.

So yes: It’s the Tantus Ripple, the large one. To borrow from a commercial we all remember, it’s fun for a girl and a boy. Get your own at www.tabutoys.com!

A couple of hasty shots taken based on an idea I Twittered about last night. They’re a little fuzzy, but they’ll do.

The tattoo I’ve had since I was 21. Time to get it retouched.

Gentle readers, meet my athame. I’ll probably do more with it on another HNT day.

Happy late HNT…:)

No, not a real-life adventure. This is what happens when a geek gets hold of sex toys and has too much caffeine. Welcome to the first installment of

The Adventures of Dildo the Wizard

Our protagonist, the great Wizard Dildo, wanders through the Penisian Forest in search of fortune and fame.

As he traveled, he noticed the terrain changing, growing strange. The trees became almost alien-looking. He started to become uneasy.

He continued his travels until he found himself in a clearing surrounded by the strange trees. In the center of the clearing stood a standing stone, oddly asymmetrical. Beyond the stone was a dark portion of the forest. Dildo was intrigued, and resolved to investigate.

(To Be Continued?)