Ramblings of a Newbie

So the nice people at Sextoy.com sent me this awesome little Impressions paddle to tell you about. It’s made by a company called Sportsheets which I already love dearly for their Underbed Restraint System, so I had high hopes. I wasn’t disappointed.

It’s a smallish thing, which is pretty darn okay. It could easily sit anonymously in the bottom of a large purse and never be noticed. The design is simple: nicely sized handle, wide enough to be comfortable to the hand, in stitched leather over something stiff (plastic or wood, likely. Too light to be metal, I think?). There’s a grommet with a braided nylon wrist-strap. If you don’t like the nylon, switch it out for leather. It’ll work just as well.

The teabag is there for scale. Also because I simply wanted to work the word ‘teabag’ into a post.

The usable portion of the paddle (the ‘weapon’ part) is about five inches long and two and a quarter inches wide. You’ll notice from the picture that the word ‘OUCH’ is backwards. There’s a reason for that, don’t you worry. It’s a two-layered slapper-style paddle, as you can see from the next picture; this gives it a tendency to make a great noise even if your swats are somewhat sub-par. It’s flexible, but stiff enough to really pack a whallop if used properly.

As you can also see from the pic, the word ‘OUCH’ is a cutout. What that means to you is this:

That’s right. If done right, you get the word ‘OUCH’ in lovely lettering on your vic-…er, playmate’s body. It’s too much fun, especially in a group setting. Everybody wants to try their hand at getting the word to come up just a little clearer, there’s discussions about whose skin is pale enough to make the better background…it’s a lot of fun.

My only complaint about this toy is a small nitpicky one. When you look at the paddle itself, the ‘OUCH’ is in red. This is due to a piece of red paper between the layers. Good concept…but the fact that it’s paper kinda bugs me. A thin strip of suede between the layers or even lining the back layer in red leather would have been a little more finished-looking to me. The paper does just fine, but if it gets stained or torn, it’s done, and you’re looking at the roughly sueded back layer. It’s an aesthetic thing only, guys…I’m willing to overlook it, personally.

Overall, this is a really sturdy, well-stitched fun toy. I dig it quite a bit, as does CK (as long as he’s not on the receiving end). There’s other words as well, but this one just made me giggle.

Remember, kids, OUCH is not a safeword!

Sex toys provided by SexToy.com. Check out our excellent selection of bondage and bdsm products online. Butt provided by CK.

(Note for disclosure purposes: This product was provided free of charge for review purposes by Sextoy.com. I promise you that free product does not in any way ensure a good review; I have given products negative reviews in the past and will do so in the future if the product warrants it. )

Saturday night was the monthly FAD (Female Artists of Domination) party. The first playparty I went to back in August was put on by the same group, and it was a blast. I was hoping this one would be at least as fun…and I wasn’t disappointed in the least.

It was a ‘Try It, You Might Like It’ event. There were four exhibition areas: CBT, Violet Wand, Needle Play, and Foot Worship. Due to lack of time, it was suggested that people hit their favorite two stations and visit the others if there was time left over. I went, carpooling with FM, CK, and PB; we met SC and DB there.

I hit the violet wand station first. My friend DB (who I had the pleasure of playing with once) was the first demo bottom for it, and the Domme running the wand gave me all kinds of ideas and really made me want a wand of my own… One of these days I’ll indulge myself and pick one up.

Then I went to the needle station, where CK was just finishing up getting a series of needles in his back before trotting off to the violet wand station to get the freshly-installed needles zapped. I stood in the room where the needle demonstrator was starting to explain things to a new group. “Who wants to get stuck?” she asked. I raised my hand, as did two or three others. “Who wants to do the sticking?” she grinned. I raised my hand again, as did one other. DB was trying this out as well, and I watched several needles and learned the hows and whys of play piercing from the lady doing the piercing. SC then offered DB (her new sub) up for my first piercing practice.

I did three needles in his chest, completing the simple pattern the original piercer had started. It was way too fun…and I will be investing in a play piercing kit. Friends be warned. Then I got pierced myself: two needles placed in the upper curve of each breast. WOW that was fun. Next party I’ll be getting a cutting, hopefully, and I think I may enjoy that as well. We’ll see…

I wore the needles (safely corked) for a while and mingled, enjoying the different scenes going on. I watched more violet wand play, talked to friends and new acquaintences, and saw what was probably the most hardcore thing I’ve ever seen in person. A gentleman on the receiving end of a little CBT from his top took several forceps through his scrotum. Not on…through. I’ve been trying to find pics of the particular kind of forceps used, but my google-fu is failing me. These forceps PIERCED HIS SCROTUM. It was so very cool.

After all this, I sat down with a lovely lady named Angel, with whom I’d discussed having a scene, and started negotiations. We agreed that this was going to be kind of a getting-to-know-you thing, nothing too harsh. She’s of the same mindset I am: if you’re not having fun, what’s the point? We discussed her limits, my limits, what I’d experienced before…and then I stepped up to the St Andrew’s Cross.

Before this, I’d never bottomed to anyone but CK and was a little nervous. My friends settled in to watch the fun, and CK actually positioned himself behind the cross itself. FM was curled up by Angel’s toybag, making ‘helpful’ suggestions and handing her various implements. Angel lent me her hair-tie (I can’t believe I didn’t think to bring one; I have very very long hair) and started unhooking my corset. I’m not one to show bare skin in public…this was in fact my first time every being topless in public. My comfort with my own body is increasing by the day, and I’m enjoying the feeling…

She started out softly, running her hands over me to get an idea of my musculature and responsiveness (also, I think, to ferret out a ticklish spot or two). Next came a rabbit-fur flogger that made me relax against the cross and purr happily. The brush of the silky fur against my skin actually helped calm me a bit, I think.

The order of the toys used escapes me at this point, to be honest. She used a selection of different types of floggers: leather, plastic and rope. Angel’s toy collection is incredible, and I’m quite jealous…*grin* There were paddles of leather and paddles of wood, she used canes, she used an evil stick, a wartenberg wheel, and a double pinwheel contraption that I want quite a bit. She even pulled out a small wicked knife; that made my heart do a little backflip. I love blades (collect ‘em, even). It’s also very difficult for me to trust someone with a knife around me. It was a hell of a rush to have a woman I’ve met twice hold a knife to my throat…very hot. It really shocked me a bit how hot I found it, and I’m still kind of processing that a little.

Nipple clamps! She knew I had sensitive nipples and started out with mild clamps, but quickly realized that stronger ones were in order. She affixed my love-hate buddies, the clover clamps and lifted the connecting chain with her cane. Sliding the cane back and forth across the tight chain sent mild vibrations through the clamps to my nipples, and was a really fun move. When those got removed, one was removed nicely and the other pulled off sharply, getting a sympathetic group ‘oooooo!’ from my audience.

It was a relatively lightweight scene compared to many others I’ve seen, but it was a pretty decent one for a newbie. I was vocal as usual, and kept giggling and (apparently) squeaking. It was hot, it was fun, and I can’t wait for a rematch…*grins*

I was left with marks all over. There’s a bite-bruise on my right shoulder (one of her ’signatures), needlemarks on my breasts from the piercings, sunbursts of evil stick marks on each breast, an ‘A’ done with an evil stick on my back (another of Angel’s ’signatures’), and random other evil-stick welts on my back and ass. I also had at least one cane mark on my ass. The evil stick marks are all still visible, but healing.

All in all a great deal of fun and I got to mark off several ‘things I’m curious about’ list items. After the scene, Angel and CK both provided me with comfy blankets and I got petted, cuddled, and told I was a good girl…CK snuggled me for a while after as well. He asked what parts I most enjoyed, but I hadn’t fully processed it all yet and couldn’t really articulate my thoughts well. Even though it was a relatively lightweight scene, I was still pretty wiped out by the end of it.

After my scene, FM was tied to the massage table by SC and she and Angel set to work on him with crops. I watched for a bit, but quite shortly it ended up being four women circling the poor thing. I reminded FM about his ‘helpful’ handing of the evil stick to Angel and then brought up the point that “Y’know…I think we have four evil sticks among us!”. They were all grabbed with great glee. At one point I mentioned that we were like a pack of mean wolves…wolves with evil sticks. The Evil Stick Wolves did bad, bad things to poor FM, and by the end of it his ass and back were bruised, welted, angry red and (in a couple of spots) blooded. He had a lot of fun with that…

A good time was had by all. I can’t wait till the next event I can attend…I learn new things every time.

Happy HNT, y’all!

This New Year’s Eve I decided to forgo my normal celebration of drunken debauchary and instead take up SC on her invite to a celebration of sober debauchary…kinking in the new year.

I was looking forward to (and honestly, quite nervous about) bottoming in public for the first time. CK has been in a very toppy mood lately and I’ve been reaping the benefits, but it’s always been in a very private setting. I wasn’t worried about being topped by him…he’s very conscientious. The public setting just was setting up mild stage fright, I think. He’d never topped in a public setting either, so I think he may have been a touch nervous too.

When we arrived at the hosts’ house (if you’ll recall the impromptu playparty post, the same gentlemen hosted), there were several people already there. I actually had met one of them elsewhere, but I simply cannot place where. I felt mildly awkward, but figured it was bound to happen at some point. I had a feeling he couldn’t quite place me either, so after awkward greetings we didn’t actually interact much.

Everyone brought a dish of some sort, and the hosts provided a turkey, and a lovely dinner was had. I met several locals that I never had before, which is always good. After dinner, everyone sat and talked about things both mundane and kinky, and then the evil sticks came out (what, doesn’t this happen at your dinner parties?). CK left about ten or so really good welts that have finally faded in the past two days. This was still during the after-dinner chat portion of the evening, mind you, not even the afterparty. After the guests started trickling out, we cleaned up the kitchen (wouldn’t do to leave the hosts with a messy home to clean later! Politeness is key).

We were all still in the kitchen when we realized that it was damn near midnight, and our plan was to beat in the new year…so we didn’t bother going upstairs just yet. Clothes started coming off (I was wearing my new pseudo-corset. It actually looked halfway decent on me) and toys were grabbed. Mine were upstairs in the playroom already, so CK grabbed SC’s dragon’s tongue and used that on me between bites on my shoulders and neck.

The dragon’s tongue: DO WANT. It’s technically a singletail, and it’s made of a piece of leather that’s twisted slightly. Think towel in a locker room. It’s stingy and harsh and leaves awesome marks…and I looove it. CK had never used one before, but after a couple of errant swings he found his form…wow. Love this thing. At midnight on New Year’s Eve I was in a red and black satin and lace corset, leaning against a kitchen counter and being whipped with a dragon’s tongue. They say that what you’re doing at midnight on New Year’s eve is what you’ll be doing for the rest of the year…

By the time we moved up to the playspace, the party was down to the same group it had been the first time I played there. SC, FM, DB, CK (sounds like alphabet soup!), and the two hosts (I’ll call them PB and TM). CK and I went up first, and he cuffed me to the amazingly well-made St Andrew’s cross. This thing was actually pretty comfortable. He started in on me with my own floggers, then again with the dragon’s tongue, and then CK decided I’d had enough and uncuffed me. I’m new to scene in general, and CK is new to being in the top role; I’m still learning the limits of what I can take and CK is still learning to read me, so we occasionally stop a scene earlier than normal just to stay on the safe side.

We curled up on the large, comfy four-poster bed that’s in the playspace to cuddle, talk, and watch the rest of the action. FM was locked into a chair and caned with a lovely lucite cane (I covet toys, can you tell? *grin*); his manly parts were also threatened with an evil stick. The squirming was amusing. . I have to admit that I threw him under the bus…I pulled out my clover clamps and handed ‘em to SC. The glare he shot me…SC joked that all the subs were gonna turn switch so they could get me back. He took a lot. He’s tough.

DB got evil sticked to within an inch of his life. Nipples, belly, thighs…SC applied a ‘virtual bikini’: evil stick welts in the outline of where bikini underwear would be. I believe he got a welt or two on his penis and I know he got one good one just across his scrotum. I’m not even male and I winced. Ow. He also ended up with small, strong alligator clamps on his penis and scrotum…he’s a tank.

(edit: After writing this originally, I realized I was writing about a participant that I hadn’t gotten permission to write about; even though I didn’t give any sort of identifying information whatsoever, that’s not something I really want to get into the habit of doing.)

CK was having fun playing with a variety of nipple clamps (on himself. Yup. I’m right there, and he’s putting ‘em on his own nipples. Boy’s got priorities.), a couple of which probably shouldn’t have been used on nipples. When one came off, it abraded pretty badly, and he’s still healing up. I still got mean and put the clovers on him…

The next day I looked in the mirror, and I swear my shoulders, back, chest and belly looked like I’d been in a fight and lost. Bruises, welts, and fun little triangle-shaped marks from the dragon’s tongue were everywhere. The deeper bruises are still showing up today…

It was an excellent evening, lots of fun. And because of it, I ordered evil sticks.

They’ll be here soon. I’ll want volunteers to practice on. *peers around*

Happy New Year!
(by the way: CK has been doing some blogging of his own. It’s interesting to see yourself from someone else’s perspective…here’s his version of the New Year’s party.)

This is a continuation of my previous post about a playdate I had with CK a few days ago. Go ahead, read that one first, then come back here.

Ready now? Good.

CK focused on my ass with his open hand and with my heavy leather flogger, and it wasn’t long before I knew that he wasn’t going to take it easy on me at all. At this point, I have to admit I was a little nervous, even though I’d told him I wanted to push my limits more. I have no clue at this point exactly where my limits and tolerances are, and I’m still learning what I enjoy. My friends (mostly SC and CK) have been very good about keeping an eye on me and making sure I don’t bite off too much at once. But every once in a while we step things up…

Once he felt that my bottom had been warmed up enough (very very red, a couple of welts already forming), CK stood me up and made sure I could move around adequately with the long ankle chain without falling over in an embarassing manner. Then he had me kneel in front of him.

While I knelt there, he laid out all of my floggers on the floor before me, then sat down on the love seat. “Pick out the ones you want me to use on you.” I glanced up and started to respond, and he said “Point ‘em out with your nose.” and grinned. I snickered at him and asked if I could kind of point in the general direction because I wanted him to use all of them, and he shook his head and said “Nope. Each one.”. I laughed, called him an asshole, and did what he asked (with a modicum of grace, even). He grinned as he moved the floggers out of the way and connected my wrist cuffs to the rings on the collar, then had me lean over until I was on knees and elbows. After that, he started in on me with rhythmic percussive heavy flogging, and I relaxed under the blows like I was getting a massage.

My recollection of the timing of the events that night is a little off, I think. The energy of the scene was very chaotic and random, and that kept me on edge; most other times we’ve played I’ve been able to zone out and simply go with the sensations, and during this one I was (at least mostly) in my own head the whole time. At one point CK pulled me to my feet, kissed me roughly and turned me to face away from him. Then he started to bite my neck, back and shoulders.

Biting is one of those things that I simply can’t explain, but I like it. CK does too, so it works out well. When he bites, he bites hard, and leaves masses of bruises, and I love every second of it. My responses feed his actions, and I usually end up a quivering puddle by the time he’s done. That night, he started biting harder than he normally does and just got more intense from there.

If it gets to be too much, I tell him, and he backs off; that’s the normal dynamic. If he’s too into his own headspace to hear me the first time, I’ll simply grab him and move his head. Simple. This time, he didn’t let himself get that far into his own head so he could be more alert to my reactions and words, and he backed off whenever I said “too much”. I started feeling overwhelmed and for some reason couldn’t find the words to express it, and suddenly tears started flowing.

It was incredibly odd for me; I’m not a crier by nature. Not around other people, and not without some kind of pretty big reason. So I was a little floored and confused. CK noticed the change in my breathing, stopped what he was doing and turned me around in concern. He kissed me, wiped the tears away, hugged me tight, and asked if I was okay. Odd thing was, I didn’t really know. Yes, I’d felt overwhelmed, but the tears didn’t feel like they were coming from a negative headspace at all…I could converse just like any other time, assured him that I was okay and that I really had no idea exactly why I was crying. I convinced him that I was okay, that I really did want to keep going, and that I really didn’t know where the tears were coming from. He questioned me a little more, snuggled me and kissed me and wiped away more tears, then started back in with the biting…

…and the tears started again. I was floored. CK stopped again, now very concerned. He again questioned me to make sure I was okay, and I told him again: yes, I was crying, but no, it’s not from a negative headspace. I had no idea what was causing it. He petted me, hugged and kissed me, and I again convinced him that I was okay.

We changed things up after that, and things blurred a little bit after that; at one point he had me bent over the arm of the love seat, legs spread, while he started back in with the floggers. At one point he changed to the cutting board paddle that I mentioned in an earlier pervertibles post, and oh my freakin god that hurt. Awesome. With a couple of the floggers, he actually took a few shots at my pussy, which was new to me. At least twice he made direct contact with my clit with a stingy flogger…and damn, it hurt, but it felt amazingly good too. At some point he used a lightweight toy on my breasts; also new, and also a lot of fun.

I finally warned CK that I needed to sit down before I fell down, and he realized I was done. He sat me down on the love seat, got me a blanket and a glass of water, and sat with me to cuddle and talk about everything that had happened.

We’ve actually started doing that after almost every scene; we talk about what we each got out of it, what we liked, what we didn’t, what we want to try next time, and I enjoy it immensely. After talking it over, we came to the conclusion that the tears were probably a cathartic release of a lot of pretty overwhelming stress that I’ve been building up for most of a year. It confused me at the time and worried CK quite a bit, but I felt amazingly good afterward.

All in all a very successful and fun scene; five days later, I still have bruises. Big ones. My ass is an mass of bruises.

Can’t wait for next time…

To avoid an annoyingly long post (and also because I want some time to think about how I want to write up the rest of the scene), I decided to break this one up. Welcome to Part One.

It’d been a while since CK and I had a full-blown scene; I’ve been kind of twitching for playtime lately. When he suggested a scene on our dinner-and-a-movie night, I obviously said yes. He asked if I wanted to top or bottom, and I very quickly replied that I wanted to play the bottom role. I enjoy both, but sometimes I need one and sometimes I need the other. I needed to play bottom. He asked what I wanted to do, and I was at a loss, really.

I’m not someone that says I have no limits. I definitely have ‘em, I just don’t know where the lines are yet. I’m still learning what kinds of things I enjoy, and there are so many things I want to try…sometimes it makes it hard to articulate exactly what I do want. And to be perfectly honest, sometimes I’m a little shy about asking to try new things as a bottom…this is something I need to work on, actually. Communication when you’re negotiating is vital for a scene if you plan to enjoy yourself, and I have to get over that particular nervousness.

In any case, we finally decided that flogging was going to be a definite component, and that he was going to bring over his locking cuffs to put me in. He wanted to do more than flogging, but I don’t know if he had a set plan in place for what he wanted out of the evening any more than I did.

I got home from work, we ordered pizza because I was feeling too lazy to cook, and we watched some anime while we ate. After that, he had me get off of the couch and started rummaging through his duffel bag. I knelt backwards on the love seat next to him, facing the kitchen counter; that’s a common comfy spot for me to sit while I’m waiting for something in the kitchen area because I have a good view. It also exposes my back to the living room, so I figured it was a two-for-one. CK pulled out a set of wrist cuffs and four small padlocks. He lined up the cuffs, locks and keys on the counter directly in front of me, and he seemed to be carefully watching my reaction. He dug until he found his ankle cuffs, and he put those on the counter as well. Following that was a bit gag that I’ve worn before.

He told me he was going to put my collar on me for the scene; I’d previously only worn it for the look of it. It has several metal rings and made quite pretty sounds when he dug it out of my bag. Before CK put the collar or cuffs on me, he looked me in the eye. “If you need out, tell me and I’ll take it off.” He knew I haven’t been really restrained often, and the cuffs being locked was going to be a new thing for me. “But I want you to ask me first,” he continued. I nodded, and he said “If it’s an emergency, and you have to get out, do it. If it’s not an emergency, I want you to ask.”. I told him I understood, and after another look to make sure we were on the same page, the collar got buckled. He made sure it wasn’t too tight, pulled off my top, then moved on to the gag.

The gag I’d worn before and enjoyed the experience. That night it seemed to be triggering my gag reflex for some reason, and we decided to forgo the gag for the evening. After cuffing me and clicking the locks into place (and once more checking to make sure I was all right), CK connected my wrists with a short chain and started digging through my bag for my floggers.

After a moment he moved back over to me and roughly pulled my pants and underwear down and off, then chained my ankles. He started off with an open hand, spanking my ass hard…

Tune in for Part Two, coming soon to a blog near you.

I finally had the chance to playtest the Under The Bed Restraints from Babeland.com.

Holy Hell. They looked really good, they installed easily; however I’m neither small nor weak, and I wasn’t sure if the lightweight nylon straps would actually hold me. The velcro cuffs that came with the set are the same as a set I’ve used in the past, and are quite stronger than they look.

For a proper test, I decided I wanted to use my own cuffs for my ankles and the included cuffs for my wrists. That’s another good point…you can change out the cuffs. One caveat: I used the spare link kind of connector, the c-shaped thing with the rotating closure. Don’t do that. Use double-ended spring clips instead. Easier to get your captive free in case of emergency. In my case, CK tightened one of the connectors a little too much and it was tough to get one of my ankles free. Fail, but not an epic fail as it wasn’t an emergency. I figured I’d pass on my learnin to you guys before it happens for real (for the sake of fairness, while he was connecting the ankle cuffs, he did say that I was using the wrong kind of connectors. I said bah! Now I know. *grin*).

So, sometime during the day, I was texting to the boy and said that if he was feeling up for it after dinner I wanted to playtest the restraints. “Think of something creative” I told him. I’ll have to remember that line…

CK came over, we ate dinner, we snuggled a little on the couch and shared clips we’d found on Youtube. Then, I said “So hey, you should tie me up now.”. He took the hint well.

When the boy was cuffing me, he quoted a video I’d made him watch Thanksgiving day, which made me giggle and helped me relax; I’d never actually been restrained to the point where I couldn’t get myself free, and was a little nervous. He tightened up the straps and then reached down to tickle my feet…and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Five thin strips of nylon, very comfortable cuffs, and pretty silver metal connectors were holding me completely fast. I couldn’t lift my hands or feet from where they were cuffed to save my life. I was pretty surprised, actually. I pulled lightly at first, impressed by the strength of the structure.

CK then got up and started for the other room to get something. I had to call him back and get him to scratch my nose for me, which was amusing. When he finally got back from his rummaging through my bags, he was carrying something that I couldn’t quite see (the lights were dim and my glasses were off). He climbed onto the bed, knelt straddling my waist, and pulled up my shirt and bra. He then started in on my nipples, pinching, rolling, tugging, and otherwise making me whimper and struggle underneath him; I then found out the item he’d brought in was the set of clover clamps. I kept trying to get free, and simply couldn’t. The straps held.

Being restrained like that put me in an incredibly submissive frame of mind. CK was in a very dominant, sadistic mindset, so it worked out quite well for both of us. It should be noted that I struggled so much against the restraints that I’m sore (I feel like I had a good workout), that I’m covered in bruises from bites, and my nipples are _still_ supersensitive, tingling, and painful.

Without cluttering up the review with too many details, suffice it to say that the Bandito made a guest appearance, as did Mr Hitachi and another, smaller vibrator. A good time was had by all. Perhaps at some point I’ll write this up from a non-review perspective, focusing more on the activity than the toys.

Final thoughts: GET THIS. If you read this blog, you absolutely need the Under The Bed Restraint System. It’s strong as hell, easy to deal with, and oh, so versatile. Click on the previous link to go straight to this item, click on the banner below to go to the main site. Either way, enjoy.

So instead of ass, there will be boobies. 

This is a pleather bustier I got from Torrid a few years back. I dig it.  

This shot is far less careful than most shots I’ve done so far for HNT. Instead of being focused on a small area, it shows stretchmarks and belly and arms and such…but it also shows boobies. Therefore…all is well. 

Also featured in this picture are some now-greenish remainders of some lovely bite-bruises on the soft curve of one breast and on my belly just beneath the bustier.  I debated showing those because I wasn’t sure how most HNT viewers would react…then I really thought about it. My conclusion? If they don’t like it, there’s plenty more bare flesh out there to look at. I’m doing this for me, not for them…and I enjoy my bruises.

As for the pictures hinted at in the post from Sunday, you’ll just have to wait. I don’t have my paws on ‘em yet. But soon…

The playparty I went to in August was put on by a group in a city a few hours away from where I live. One of the young men that was there (we’ll call him DB) that evening came down to visit SC and FM, and it was decided that there would be an impromptu play night. 

There’s a gentleman here in town that has a wonderful dungeon setup in his home, and he graciously allowed us use of it.  When we got there, there were three male subs, SC, and me.  I was a little apprehensive, because I’d only played in public once before, and I have so far been a bit of a lightweight when topping (publicly or privately). I’ve been mildly worried that I wasn’t cut out for it…

Well, I’m no longer worried. I think I held my own relatively well. *grin* I used some of my own toys and some of SC’s as well, starting with my homemade vampire glove…this seems to be a great starting toy. It sensitized the hell out of DB’s skin, which made everything else ever so much fun.  Between SC and myself, DB got topped for about four hours. The boy’s a tank. He got flogged, whipped (I got to use a dragon’s tongue for the first time), scratched, bitten, clamped (the metal clips from the dollar store run got some use), caned, and spanked…and had no complaints. 

Remember my blog post about the first play party, and how I said I really wanted an evil stick? Well, I got to use one, and I reaaally want one now.  Other toys I saw that I lust after: stocks, a bondage chair with metal shackles, and a paddle with the word ’slut’ written in reverse on the face. Hit somebody just right, and the word imprints itself on the body part whacked. More about that on HNT.

I also got to play with my newfound rope addiction, making cuffs and a body harness for FM, who kept laughing and saying it was scary how fast I was picking things up. CK got there a little later, but wasn’t really in the right headspace to actually play.  I think he still had fun watching for the rest of the evening after we shackled him into the chair.

On a silly note, while DB was shackled and I was beating the hell out of him, I leaned over his shoulder, bit him, and said “Cake or death?”.  He started laughing and responded properly: “Cake, please!”  Me: “Well, we’re out of cake!” Him: “So my choice is ‘or death’?”. You have to love an Eddie Izzard fan, and throughout the evening the references kept coming. *grin*

For your visual pleasure, an ass ravaged by the evil stick (posted with DB’s permission): 

And yeah, the evil stick stings…a lot. More about that on HNT as well.

The night was great fun. Hopefully there’ll be more fun in the future. 

Before I started researching BDSM and talking to more people in the lifestyle, I used to refer to some of my moods as ‘dominant’ and ’submissive’. After the research, I actually amended that. I really tend to be more ‘top’ or ‘bottom’ than ‘dom’ or ’sub’. I can be dominant or submissive for a period of time, but I’m not either on a permanent basis.

Last night CK and I had a playdate. Any play we’ve done before has been almost impromptu, short, and not extremely intense. This was a full-blown planned and anticipated scene as opposed to the casual nature of our other playtimes. The anticipation, I found, really put me in an interesting frame of mind. It seemed to do the same for him, if I were to judge by the intensity of the scene.

He called me before he came over to talk about dinner plans, and then he says, “I think I’m going to put a gag on you tonight.”. I think I actually paused before answering “Oo-kay.”. The idea seemed kind of out of the blue, and I’ve never worn a gag (or even really thought about it) before. He followed up with, “What do you think about that? Is that all right?”. I replied with, “I’ll try anything once.” and then we talked about other things.

When he came over, we ate dinner and talked, and then playtime started. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned a dozen times before, CK bites. He was in more of a biting mood than usual and he was much more physical about it than usual, grabbing me and restraining me with hands and body while he sank his teeth into my back, my shoulders, and my neck. I was already breathless by the time he moved me where he wanted me. He pulled a bit gag out of his bag and asked me again if I was okay with it. I nodded, but I was oddly hesitant. I really don’t know why I was hesitant about it…it was strange. I agreed to try it, though. He turned me around and fitted the gag in my mouth, buckling it under my hair. While I was facing away from him, he ran a hand over my back and then bit me again, hard. I could still make as much noise as I wanted, but couldn’t articulate.

CK stripped me down to my underwear, had me lean against the counter, and raked his nails over my back several times (that always makes me shiver). He then turned me around and asked if I was still okay. I nodded slowly. At this point he just stared at me for a moment, stroking my hair, and I stared back. I was almost trembling, and we hadn’t even really started yet. He jokingly bemoaned the fact that his camera batteries were dead, because (and I quote) “You look really hot in that.”. He turned me back around and started grabbing floggers out of my bag.

Right then, I really felt more vulnerable than I have in a long time. My hands and feet were free, I wasn’t restrained in any way other than by CK telling me where to put my feet and hands. Standing there nearly naked, gagged, skin already tingling from the marks of nails and teeth, I felt exposed, vulnerable, and I enjoyed every second of it.

The flogging itself I won’t go into a play-by-play on for the simple reason that it would get dull fast. I will say that the rope flogger I made with the three knots on each strand? When used with force, it leaves a gathering of welts that turns into a gathering of tiny bruises. It’s harsh. That one, the bootlace flogger, and the large red and black ones are the ones that made me squeal and writhe the most. CK likes the heaviness of the red and black one, while I like the sharp sting of the bootlace. After a while, he removed the gag; he didn’t want it to get too uncomfortable my first time wearing it.

Finally he stopped a little abruptly, changed the tone of the music (he’d set up a soundtrack; heavier music for the scene itself and quieter music for cooling down), and lightly started stroking my back. When it got through my somewhat fuddled mind that we were done, I protested lightly “We’re done? Aw…” and “I could go longer…”, but didn’t push it when he drew me over to the couch to sit.

See, a while back, I told CK I wanted to take baby steps, and asked him to keep an eye on me to make sure I didn’t go too far too fast and do anything stupid. I apparently jumped in a way that made him really look closely at me, and he decided I’d had enough. He was right, I’m sure, but at that moment he could have suggested damn near anything and I would have agreed. “Wanna try flesh hook suspension with dinner forks?” “Oh sure! sounds like fun!!”. *snicker* So yeah, it’s good to have someone that’s actually keeping a watch. I’d lost track of time, it seems. I thought it had been maybe fifteen minutes, and it had been nearly an hour.

Now, coming back to the title of the post. When CK has topped me in the past (either the two mini-scenes or the many times we’d just played around with teeth and nails and flesh), I never really felt truly submissive. Bottom-y, yes, but not really submissive. If someone bites me on the back of the neck or tugs my hair just right, it puts me in a somewhat submissive mood, but that only goes so far. When he put that bit in my mouth and buckled it tight, it put me straight into a very submissive headspace. Even though my hands were free, I would never have thought about removing it unless I had permission to do so. It was a strange and almost scary feeling, and it took me a while thinking about it afterward to process.

I ultimately concluded that I liked the feeling, that headspace, at least tentatively. It’s something I’m curious about exploring in the future. I’m also wondering if that was a one-time thing or if being gagged like that will always put me into that submissive space.

CK had fun too; he’s normally the one doing the bottoming, and these playtimes give him a chance to let out his top/sadistic side. I think he’s enjoying exploring that side of himself.

In any case…it was amazingly fun, I’m amazingly sore, and I have some amazingly cool bitemarks. If I can get the boy back over before they fade, I’ll try to get some pics. They’re not in spots that I can photograph successfully.

Anybody else have odd triggers like that, or notice a difference between bottom-space and subspace? Am I overthinking things (because I do tend to do that)? Anybody want to massage a sore back and ass?

Did I mention the boy bites? Deep, strong bites. On me, when it starts to bruise this quickly, it’s gonna be around for a while. It hurt like a motherfucker…and it felt so good.

Today it’s sore. Every time I flex my shoulder and back muscles just right, I can feel the deeper bites like muscles sore from exercise. And I even enjoy this soreness.

When he bites, CK tends to hold me so I can’t move. Last night I let myself struggle a little bit; not enough that I was going to actually break away, but enough that he had to work a bit to hold on. The struggle wasn’t a complaint. I sometimes just like to test the strength of whatever (in this case, whomever) is restraining me. I could tell from the boy’s reactions that he liked that small bit of resistance. I think it surprised him (both that I liked to struggle and that he enjoyed it as well)…surprised me a bit too.

I thought both reactions were interesting…and now I’m curious. That’s how things always start…