Ramblings of a Newbie

While searching for cool new sex toys to review, I came across this guy:

It’s Dr Joel Kaplan’s Nipple Pump System 2 (though I’m not sure what happened to System 1). It’s one of the many women’s sex toys you can find on the site.

It’s pretty darn cool, actually. I’d never used one before, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I think I kind of expected a sort of suckling sort of thing, but that’s not what this puppy does.

My finger’s in there for scale. It’s actually no fun to use this on yer fingers, so don’t bother. The pump looks like something you’d use to fix a car with. It’s a great mad-scientist looking contraption, and I’m really digging it.

The only downside that I can see (and it’s a really little one, so hardly a downside) is that it came with no hints. Yes, yes, I know, it’s not rocket science. Apply to skin and squeeze the handle thingy. It really is that simple. The hints I would have wanted are things like: skin dry or moist? How much pressure is safe, and for how long? And yes, you can tell pretty exactly how much pressure is being applied:

After a question or two on Twitter, I got the idea that moist skin made for a better seal. Makes sense, really. As for the safety factor, I decided simply to play it by ear and not go hog-wild with it.

I tried it by myself first, and it was a touch awkward because you have to hold the bulbs against their intended targets while you squeeze the handle; now, once you create that seal with a single good pump you can let go of the bulbs. Two or three pumps will draw your nipples deep into the clear plastic cups and cause a tight pinching sensation. It’s nothing like the nasty squeeze of nipple clamps, but it’s still harsh. There’s a release valve at the bottom of the gauge that can either release the vacuum completely or let out a touch at a time to lighten the pressure. I had fun testing it by myself and noticed it really made my nipples insanely sensitive (and they’re already pretty damn sensitive!).

The real test of a toy is sometimes when you can get someone else to use it on you; that’s where CK came in. He’s always willing to oblige me in my playtesting…so altruistic.

He went into my bedroom, grabbed several things from my toybox, and came back into the living room. My top quickly came off and after a moment or two of making sure my nipples were nice and moist (*grin*), he had me hold the bulbs to my nipples while he controlled the handle. One quick pump and I was able to let go, and then he started playing. Two or three quick pumps while I gasped and writhed, then using the valve to release a little pressure; then another quick squeeze or two. This went on for a few minutes, then I decided to try an experiment. There’s a little silver catch on the cups where the cup meets the tubing that looked like it was meant to slide in.

I slid the little catch in, and sure enough I was able to remove the tube and the bulb stayed on, and it was bizarrely hot-looking. However, that broke the vacuum and the other bulb released. I haven’t yet been able to get both bulbs to stay on at once; I think it’s a matter of coordinating it just right. I’ll continue to work on it.

Once CK found out how sensitive my nipples got after this treatment, he had a blast. The other items he pulled out were one of my evil sticks and both sets of clover clamps (his and mine). The clamps got applied readily and the evil stick used post-haste. Those things normally hurt quite a lot, and after the sensitizing influence of the pump it felt like fire on my nipples. Amazingly hot.

The boy grinned at this point and said, “I got an idea”. When he says this, it usually means that I’m going to end up in pain (the happy kind)…so I eyed him warily as he took off my pants. He placed one bulb of the nipple pump on my right nipple and made me hold it. The other one he pressed to my clit. A couple of pumps and I was loving it…I really can’t describe the sensation properly. It was a sucking-squeezing-tugging kind of thing, and it was excellent. And yes, it makes your clit just as sensitive as it makes your nipples.

This product right here? Get it. It’s an awesome playtoy. I like the look of it (very clinical; slightly intimidating), I love the feel of it, and I love that it’s an easy toy to use. I recommend it highly.

After my playtesting of it, I found that Alpine SubDreams had reviewed this product for Sextoy.com as well. Take a look!

The nice people at www.tabutoys.com were kind enough to let me try out the Tantus Ripple. I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it: Tantus rocks. I have yet to be disappointed by one of their products.

They’re all high-quality silicone, which means (yes, loyal readers, I’m gonna say it again. There may be new people reading this that haven’t heard it the many times I’ve said it before. Go get a soda. By the time you’re back, I’ll be done) that it is able to be sanitized. Boiling, a ten percent bleach solution, or top rack of the dishwasher (no soap! [radio]) will do it. Because it can be sanitized, it can be used vaginally and anally and can be shared. Don’t use yer nice slippery silicone lube with it, because it’ll be a bad scene. Water-based, baby!

*waits for regular readers to get back with their sodas* Ready? Good.

I got home one day to this lovely purple guy waiting at my doorstep for me, extremely glad none of my neighbors picked it up by accident…

(shown with clothespin for scale. I know all you pervs have clothespins handy.)

It’s designed as an anal plug, though it can be used vaginally as well. I know this because, well, I used it vaginally first. I was a little intimidated by the size of it for anal use, to be honest. Vaginally…wow. I’m discovering that while I do like smooth toys, textures are amazingly fun. Because it tapers like it does, it slides in with ease; clenching around it as you pull it out means that you get to feel every single one of those ‘beads’ slipping out, one by one. It’s a pretty unique sensation, and I dig it.

Then…I realized I was simply gonna have to bite the bullet and use it in the manner for which it was intended. Out came the lube (do I really have to give the ‘lots of lube for anal play’ lecture? You guys should know that by now. Lots. Of. Lube.). I lubed that puppy up, stared it down, then added more lube. I decided the best way to really try this one out was to let it sit on its flared base and lower myself carefully onto it, so I did so. I also recruited the assistance of Mr Hitachi, who kindly distracted me from any possible discomfort.

First bead…not bad at all. I’d used the Peridise plugs, and the tip of the larger one is about the same size as the first bead of the Ripple.

Second bead…still doable. It’s designed to give you a small rest after each bead and not slip backwards.

Third bead…a challenge, but with enough lube anything can be accomplished! I paused after this one, wondering if I could actually take the rest.

Fourth bead…When this one slides home, you know it’s there. I had to work to insert this final bead, but it was worth it.

This toy is very interesting; between it and the Hitachi pressed lightly to my clit, the orgasm was insanely intense. Had I been less of a scaredy-cat, I would’ve grabbed one of my other Tantus toys and gone for a double penetration…but I figured the Hitachi was distraction enough. Maybe for future experiments.

Now, for further experimentation, I strapped it into my harness (also supplied by the lovely people at Tabu Toys) during my playdate with my friend. It worked, and it was a lot of fun on both ends. I could feel the resistance of each bead as I thrust it slowly into him, and he reacted quite nicely to the sensation. I have to admit: the harness, while it fit, was a bit awkward. I found the angle of the dildo a bit odd. Keep in mind that I’m a quite large woman, so your mileage will likely vary. I have a feeling on a smaller woman (average build to small) this harness would work quite well. A little awkward for me, unfortunately. Nevertheless, it was still quite fun and I was able to work around the odd angles.

One final note: I absolutely love the quote on the product page: “Feel it go POP!” It made me giggle when I read it.

So yes: It’s the Tantus Ripple, the large one. To borrow from a commercial we all remember, it’s fun for a girl and a boy. Get your own at www.tabutoys.com!

This week I’m reviewing a gorgeous Black and Red suede flogger from Sextoy.com. Of all of the BDSM and fetish items I’ve purchased, made, and gotten for review lately, I have to say this is one of my favorites.

The picture used on the website is really really good, but it has to be. I’ve gotten used to even the good toys looking considerably less perfect when they arrive, and I have to admit after getting the paddle I reviewed last time I was a bit wary. With this one, I was impressed. The colors are gorgeous, the construction absolutely solid. This was obviously made to be used, and made by people who took some pride in their work.

It’s longer than most of the other floggers I have, but is made of a lightweight suede so it’s not an overwhelming toy. It’s easy to swing, and can slap or pack a mild thud depending on how it’s used. It’s very comfortable in the hand and the tails fall as they should, in a predictable arc. As it is a long flogger, please please be wary of wraparound. A trick a friend taught me is to place a folded towel around your bottom’s neck to protect the neck and face against mis-strikes. As I’m relatively new to all of this, it’s a trick I use often. It may look a bit odd, but it gives a little peace of mind.

Now, most of these reviews I tend to give cleaning tips. Suede is kind of its own animal, and I’m not really sure of ways to clean this on the fly so it won’t destroy the material…I’m open to suggestions. I know there are suede cleaners, but not sure how they’ll do on a material that will contact skin. Until we know how to clean ‘em, avoid having the suede touch blood or other potentially hazardous bodily fluids unless it’s going to be a one-person toy. Yes, maybe it’s a touch paranoid, but a little paranoia never hurt anyone.

So anyway, my final verdict: Awesome. Many kinds of awesome. I definitely recommend, and the price is actually seriously good for this flogger. If you’re in the market for a nice lightweight suede warmup toy, this is it.

Check out Sextoy.com for other kinds of nice kinky sex toys, too!

Thanks to the lovely people at Vibrator.com, I have a new addition to my collection of sex toys.

I’ve mentioned it before and I’ll continue to say it: I have fallen in love with silicone. This stuff is awesome, and Tantus makes some amazing toys with the lovely material. The particular Tantus product I’m reviewing today is the Tantus Echo, one of an extensive selection of dildos and dongs that Vibrator.com carries. I chose this one because I’d realized that I’d been picking a lot of g-spotters and I simply wanted a straighter cock for a little variety. I’m glad I did, too…

Meet Mr Echo (Lost fan? Me? Never.):

(tiny penis included to show scale, and to be tiny)

The standard happy raves about silicone: sterilizable by using a 10% bleach solution, boiling, or popping in the top rack of a dishwasher (no soap). It is pthalate-free, which is a good thing for your insides. As with any silicone toys, fer pete’s sake don’t use silicone lube!

So I got Mr Echo (I feel I should refer to him politely, even if it weren’t a Lost reference) in my mailbox. I looked at him all snug in his clear packaging, and I was mildly intimidated. He looked bigger than I’d anticipated! Now, once I got him out of the package, he looked more manageable, but I was momentarily a little worried…*grin*

He’s a big purple guy, about six inches long and respectably thick. The head looks (and feels!) like it’s just a touch thicker than the heavily ridged shaft. The way the ridges are angled, sliding in is just a little bumpy. Sliding out you feel every…single…ridge. Even though this isn’t a g-spot dildo, the ridges still do the trick and rub that lovely spot quite nicely with each thrust, and I really enjoyed it.

It comes with a small bullet vibe complete with batteries (it would have been sad otherwise!). To be honest, I like the bullet vibe that came with the Rock Chick quite a bit more. More powerful, better design. With this one, I suggest using a bit of lube on the bullet before inserting it into Mr Echo; I tried it without and it was a pain to get back out of the toy.

Mr Echo is harness-compatible, though I’m not sure how it would work with the vibe inserted. With a little luck I’ll be testing out its harness usability in the next couple of weeks…I’ll let you know how it goes. *grins evilly*

To sum up: Mr Echo is highly, highly recommended. Great quality toy that has become a favorite of mine. Pick one up at Vibrator.com!

So thanks to That Toy Chick from Underbed Toys, I am now the proud owner of a tiny penis (made by Vixskin Creations!).

I’ve been taking pictures of this tiny penis for a couple of days now and posting them to Twitter, and Debauched Diva suggested to me that he should have a name, especially as I plan on documenting his travels.

So here’s the deal: Tiny Penis needs a name. I need suggestions for this name. Throw me some in the comments or email ‘em to me, whichever floats yer boat.

Help out the poor little dude! He needs a name!

The wonderful people at Sextoy.com (great selection of sex toys there) gave me the opportunity to try out the Bark and Bite Spanker paddle, part of their extensive BDSM and Fetish collection.

The toy looked really promising; it has a faux-fur side, a ‘wood-finish’ side (as stated in the description), and seemed like a fun idea. For the first time in a review I have to say I was a bit underwhelmed.

The concept is excellent. The fur feels very nice against the skin and the wooden side does have a sting to it if wielded properly. The problem here comes in with the construction of the toy. In the package, it looked pretty darn good, but once you get it out you realize it’s essentially an oversized thin ping-pong paddle. It looks like it was spraypainted black and had a circle of black faux fur glued on the other side, and the fur wasn’t glued on very well to boot. When I opened it, the glue was already coming loose and use made the fur pad come off even more. I glued it back with some Mighty Mendit (I’m so sorry, Dangerous Lilly…Billy Mays got me) and it’s stayed put since.

My impression of this paddle is that it’s for the mostly-vanilla (not using the term in a perjorative way, mind you; just as a descriptor) set that wants a little spice in the bedroom without the price tag or scare factor of higher-end BDSM equipment. For people that are a little more serious with their play, it’s not going to impress. Hell, I know at least one or two subs that I could break this thing over their asses…;)

So my recommendation: if you’re looking for a light tease for a weekend escapade and don’t plan on serious use, this will do. If you’re a more hardcore player and want something that’s going to do a little more for you, something like this may do you better. Now, I haven’t tried that one, keep in mind, but it looks like it’s of better construction than the Bark and Bite.

Thanks again to Sextoy.com for the opportunity to try this out!