Ramblings of a Newbie

I haven’t done an HNT in quite a while and I just kinda felt like putting one out there today, so here we go:

I’m not a girly girl by any means. I still self-identify as female; I just am not your stereotypical female. I’ll occasionally fuss with my hair, generally only to dye it. My friend the hairstylist has to remind me to cut it, and convince me not to do it myself with whatever scissors are lying around. My nails I grow long simply because I like scratching. *grin* They get trimmed and shaped so they don’t snag things, but I rarely paint ‘em.

It’s the same kind of situation with clothing. I normally simply don’t bother wearing girly things. I don’t find them comfortable and I’m not convinced they suit me. Now, there are exceptions. I have a black velvet corset-style top that I think is quite flattering, and I also have an off-the-rack lingerie corset (not a real lace-up job) that gets good reviews. Most of the rest of my clothing is relatively unisex.

I’ve started getting a little more experimental in the dress-up department, however…window-shopping for corsets and lingerie, finding outfits that might be fun and sexy in the bedroom. Recently I ordered a plaid schoolgirl skirt because CK mentioned he liked the look (I think most hetero males do to some degree, to be honest). It came with a red halter-style bikini top (laughable, considering the size of my breasts), a black off-shoulder see-through half-top, the skirt, and fishnet knee-highs. I’ll be putting a white blouse over the ensemble, and I picked up white cotton underwear to complete the look.

I haven’t worn it for him yet for the simple reason that we haven’t had a good deal of time to play…and I’m definitely hoping for a good reaction from it. He wanted me to try it on for him when I got it, but I refused. I’m just mean like that.

So just to kind of give a little preview of one part of the outfit, here’s my HNT for this week:

Happy HNT, all!

I finally had the chance to playtest the Under The Bed Restraints from Babeland.com.

Holy Hell. They looked really good, they installed easily; however I’m neither small nor weak, and I wasn’t sure if the lightweight nylon straps would actually hold me. The velcro cuffs that came with the set are the same as a set I’ve used in the past, and are quite stronger than they look.

For a proper test, I decided I wanted to use my own cuffs for my ankles and the included cuffs for my wrists. That’s another good point…you can change out the cuffs. One caveat: I used the spare link kind of connector, the c-shaped thing with the rotating closure. Don’t do that. Use double-ended spring clips instead. Easier to get your captive free in case of emergency. In my case, CK tightened one of the connectors a little too much and it was tough to get one of my ankles free. Fail, but not an epic fail as it wasn’t an emergency. I figured I’d pass on my learnin to you guys before it happens for real (for the sake of fairness, while he was connecting the ankle cuffs, he did say that I was using the wrong kind of connectors. I said bah! Now I know. *grin*).

So, sometime during the day, I was texting to the boy and said that if he was feeling up for it after dinner I wanted to playtest the restraints. “Think of something creative” I told him. I’ll have to remember that line…

CK came over, we ate dinner, we snuggled a little on the couch and shared clips we’d found on Youtube. Then, I said “So hey, you should tie me up now.”. He took the hint well.

When the boy was cuffing me, he quoted a video I’d made him watch Thanksgiving day, which made me giggle and helped me relax; I’d never actually been restrained to the point where I couldn’t get myself free, and was a little nervous. He tightened up the straps and then reached down to tickle my feet…and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.

Five thin strips of nylon, very comfortable cuffs, and pretty silver metal connectors were holding me completely fast. I couldn’t lift my hands or feet from where they were cuffed to save my life. I was pretty surprised, actually. I pulled lightly at first, impressed by the strength of the structure.

CK then got up and started for the other room to get something. I had to call him back and get him to scratch my nose for me, which was amusing. When he finally got back from his rummaging through my bags, he was carrying something that I couldn’t quite see (the lights were dim and my glasses were off). He climbed onto the bed, knelt straddling my waist, and pulled up my shirt and bra. He then started in on my nipples, pinching, rolling, tugging, and otherwise making me whimper and struggle underneath him; I then found out the item he’d brought in was the set of clover clamps. I kept trying to get free, and simply couldn’t. The straps held.

Being restrained like that put me in an incredibly submissive frame of mind. CK was in a very dominant, sadistic mindset, so it worked out quite well for both of us. It should be noted that I struggled so much against the restraints that I’m sore (I feel like I had a good workout), that I’m covered in bruises from bites, and my nipples are _still_ supersensitive, tingling, and painful.

Without cluttering up the review with too many details, suffice it to say that the Bandito made a guest appearance, as did Mr Hitachi and another, smaller vibrator. A good time was had by all. Perhaps at some point I’ll write this up from a non-review perspective, focusing more on the activity than the toys.

Final thoughts: GET THIS. If you read this blog, you absolutely need the Under The Bed Restraint System. It’s strong as hell, easy to deal with, and oh, so versatile. Click on the previous link to go straight to this item, click on the banner below to go to the main site. Either way, enjoy.

This started out as a discussion on Fetlife. I didn’t start the thread, but it struck a chord because I’d been thinking about the subject just a few days before.

Self-harm and BDSM:

When I see someone (in or out of the BDSM community) cutting or inflicting some other kind of pain on themselves, I worry about them and think there’s something wrong.

When I see someone with a cutting that someone else has done for them, or whipmarks, or scratches or bitemarks, I think it’s lovely and imagine how much fun I would have had in their place…

When I realized the apparent hypocrisy of this, it really hit me like a ton of bricks. If someone isn’t in a negative headspace when they’re cutting, how is that different from them allowing someone else to cut them?

For me, pain play is equally as much about the trust and connection as it is about the pain itself…but the pain is still the focus. How can I worry about someone that’s just doing something I wouldn’t?

I still feel viscerally that there’s a difference, but gut feelings can be wrong; is this a knee-jerk reaction on my part, or is there actually a difference between self-inflicted pain and masochism expressed with another person?

See, I used to be a cutter as a teenager. It even went a little into my early twenties, but only rarely. My cutting was mild and occasional, and very stress-related. Seeing and tasting the blood would calm me down immensely and I wouldn’t need to cut anymore. Then there came a time that I didn’t need to anymore at all. I don’t have the urge anymore. I didn’t enjoy it, I didn’t want it. I needed it.

I do however mightily enjoy and get the urge to be spanked, bitten, flogged and otherwise manhandled. I’m very curious about getting a cutting from someone, wax play, needle play, and other fun things. It’s a need as well, but different. I wouldn’t enjoy cutting myself, dripping hot wax on my own thighs, putting needles under my own skin…

So what are your thoughts? I’d love to see some discussion on this. How is that row of cuts on someone’s thigh different from me wanting a new tattoo just for the pleasure of the experience?

(please note I’m opening up this topic for debate here; I’m not advocating self-harm, nor am I condemning those that are in a non-negative headspace and choose to cause themselves pain. Let any discussion remain civil, but please do comment.)

The always-thinking Erotic Bohemian has started putting up her standard checklist up on her blog in series, with a call to other bloggers to talk about their own experiences with the activities within. Being that I love a good introspection, of course I took the bait.

Here goes:

• An activity (or activities) that was a fun experience for you. What did you enjoy or what was an especially pleasurable activity? If you’ve never attempted any on the list, which do you think you’d enjoy if you had to choose one and why?
• What, if any, of the activities below pushes a limit for you? Have you attempted it?
• What, if any, of the below items was a good learning experience for you?

I’m kind of altering the original idea and going through each activity. Some I like, some aren’t so comfy, and some I’ve never tried. And for those of you that haven’t been reading my blog and don’t know me, I’m quite the switch, which is why I’m answering on both the top and bottom angles.

The Checklist: Part I

Abrasion
I like sensations of many many kinds. If I’m understanding this right, it’s abrasive sensation, sandpaper, etc? If that’s the case, I’m up for trying it.

Age Play
It’s not my thing. I know people that are into it, but it’s not something I would be into myself.

Anal Fisting
Receiving end? Oh no. Uh-uh. Giving end? If the other person was really into it (and I knew a little more about doing it safely), I’d consider it. It wouldn’t be a suggestion I’d bring up personally (Hey, I know what we can do that’s fun!!!).

Anal Sex
Yup. When done properly, it’s quite fun. Always remember: LUBE IS YOUR FRIEND.

Animal Roles
This one’s kind of an odd one for me. I know it’s referring to pony/puppy/kitty play, but I have a rather strong animal side to me, and it can show up during sexual play. It’s not really a kink, just a personality thing.

Ass Worship / Analingus
Not something I’ve been on either end of. With proper safety precautions, it wouldn’t be out of the picture either way.

Bathroom Use Control
Not something I’d find fun on either end.

Beating (Soft)
Beating (Hard)
As in rough body play? On the giving end: I’m learning a little bit about this, coincidentally. CK likes it, and I want to be able to do it safely. As the recipient: Not sure I’d dig it, but it’s not something I’ve tried (other than playful wrestling with friends). Jury’s out on that one.

Behavior Modification
I’m not interested so far in long-term D/s relationships, and this would definitely have to be along that line. It’s interesting to hear about, however.

Begging
Depends on the individual, the setting, and the situation.

Being Bitten
Oh yeah. I think we all know I like this one. Biting or being bitten, actually.

Belts
Haven’t tried, either end. I’d be willing to.

Blindfolds
I like the idea of someone else in one; I find it aesthetically pleasant and fun from a top’s point of view. As for myself, I’m not sure if I’d like it or not. I’d like to try wearing one at some point. The bit gag was an interesting headspace for me, and I wouldn’t be surprised if a blindfold did something similar.

Body Writing
From a fun body art kind of perspective, could be interesting.

Body Worship With Tongue
I like to lick. I like to be licked. That one’s pretty simple.

Bondage (Light)
Bondage (Heavy)
I’ve played with light bondage so far and have enjoyed it immensely, both being the one bound and the one doing the binding. Haven’t tried heavy bondage yet, but am very willing.

Bondage (Public, Under Clothing)
The public stuff isn’t my thing. I don’t think I’d get a kick out of this one…

Boot Worship
Clothing is nice, but it’s not a fetish to me. It’s not anywhere near a limit or anything, but not something I’d seek out.

Branding (Permanent)
I rarely say never, but this one’s close. There’d have to be a really good reason.

Breath Control / Asphyxiation
This is currently a limit for me. I can deal with having light pressure on my throat, but that’s where the line is. And I also won’t control someone else’s breathing; it’s too dangerous and I’m too new at all this.

Cages
I think it’d be fun to have someone on ‘display’, as it were. As for myself, I’m not one to like being on display myself. I do have to admit, though, a part of me does find the idea intriguing. I’m not sure if I’d enjoy it, but it would be an interesting experience.

Caning
Haven’t tried it, but I really want to. Pretty welts.

Castration Fantasy
As a mindfuck during a scene, it might be interesting…

Catheterization
Nope. I’ve been in too many hospitals and dealt with too much illness in others for this to be appealing to me.

Cattle Prod
That’d be fun to play with. *grin*

Cigarette / Cigar Smoke
Nope. Don’t find it sexy in the least.

Chains
I enjoy the aesthetics of chains; they’re visually, aurally, and tactilely appealing.

Choking
Discussed up there in breath play. *points up*

Clothespins (What body parts? )
Very curious about playing with clothespins. I picked some up during one of my ‘pervertibles’ trips to the dollar store, but haven’t had the opportunity to use ‘em yet. And what body parts? I really don’t know, to be honest. I’m open to experimentation.

Clothing Specified
not sure what this one means?

Collars
Love the way they look on others, love the way they feel on me.

Competitions (With Other Subs)
This would be something I’d enjoy watching.

Confinement (Long Or Short Term)
Confinement by itself? Not so much.

Crawling On Hands & Knees
This would have to be in context. I’m not into humiliation myself, and this resonates like that for me. If I was topping and my playmate was into it, that’s another thing altogether.

Crossdressing
Pleasant to watch; not really a personal kink of mine, but I can appreciate the appeal of it for others.

Cuckoldry
I’m thinking this one’s an N/A for me.

Cum Eating (yours)
Cum Eating (others)
Other than the spelling of ‘cum’ squicking me (don’t know why. ‘come’ is fine, but ‘cum’ grates. ), I don’t have a problem with it in the context of giving oral sex, at least. Now, basic safety makes this one a no-no with casual partners.

Cuffs
Love ‘em, both on myself and others.

Cum tasting, consumption (yours/others)
Didn’t we just do this one? *points up*

Cunnilingus
I’m a fan.

Cutting
I’m very curious about cuttings; I’m not sure how I’d enjoy being on the recieving end, but I think I’d dig it. As for being the one doing the cutting, I think I’d be too tempted to taste, which ain’t healthy.

Now, keep in mind: if I said I wasn’t into your particular kink, please don’t take it as an insult! My opinions are just that, and your mileage may vary.

If anybody has any questions about my answers or wants me to clarify, speak up! I’m listening.