When the book 50 Shades of Grey was published, it shined a light onto the BDSM community. Now that the movie as come out, BDSM is more talked about than ever. This popularity has given rise to a lot of misconceptions about BDSM, mostly portrayed by the book and the movie. To try and clear up the confusion, below is a list of all the things that 50 Shades of Grey got wrong about BDSM.
1. The dominant is always abusive. This is absolutely not true. The person in the dominant role cares deeply for the person in the submissive one, and they would never do anything that the person doesn’t enjoy. Yes, the dominant person likes to be in control, but they do not do so at the well-being of the other person. This is where safe-words come into play, and they are agreed upon beforehand.
2. The dominant is in control. This is not entirely the case. The person in the submissive role is actually the one in control, with the person in the dominant role only acting that way for the pleasure of the submissive. The dominant one controls the action, but it is all for the benefit of the one in the submissive position.
3. Dominants had a bad childhood – Not true. In the book/movie, Christian Grey wanted to be a dominant because of his troubled childhood. In fact, your upbringing has nothing to do with whether or not you enjoy BDSM in either position. Childhood trauma is not a valid reason for practicing domination.
4. If you enjoy BDSM, there is something wrong with you. False! In fact, most people who enjoy BDSM are often college educated, have good jobs, are in a position of power, are drug free, and are mentally stable. Some have suggested that the smarter you are, the more vivid and detailed your sexual fantasies will be. You then need to go to greater lengths to achieve these fantasies. Also, for those people who are in a position of power throughout the day, being in the submissive position is a nice change of pace.
5. Submissives have low self esteem – Again, not true. In fact, it is usually the opposite. You need to be strong and sure of yourself in order to give up the control to another person. People with low self esteem generally have trust issues, which will not work with BDSM. You need to be able to trust your partner in order to let go of the control and put it into their hands.
While 50 Shades of Grey may be entertaining to some, it does not do much to paint a good picture of BDSM activities. The book and movie has led to a lot of misconceptions about these acts, some of which I hope I was able to clear up above. While the book and movie may be entertaining, we should all keep in mind the truth as we enjoy them.